Are You 'Down'? Day 11

For the past two month, I've rediscovered audio books. I love listening to them in the car, even if I'm driving down the street to the store, I will pop a CD in and just listen to someone else's life. This week I'm listening to I'm Down by Mishna Wolff. I read the book last year and I thought it would be entertaining as an audio book. It is a non-fiction book about a white girl who grew up in a black neighborhood. The funniest part about the book was that her white father actually thought he was black. Poor Mishna. All she wanted to be was the white girl she was born to be. Her little sister fit in to the black culture right away, but Mishna had to try. In the end, Mishna was too white for the black community and too black for the white kids she went to school with and throughout the book she told of her wins and loses of being 'down'.

Although this book has funny parts, it gets sad toward the end. It's always a sad thing to be me when you feel like you can't be yourself. During her life, she wanted her father's approval so much. She never wanted to embarrass him, but that's usually what happened. I can relate to Mishna in that way. As a child, I never wanted to embarrass my family, but it would happen, especially if I tried too hard. I was never the most popular kid. Whether it was my glasses or my friends or just the fact that I was in the room, I got teased. Like Mishna, at times I didn't know where I belonged.

The other day I asked if you would be friends with yourself if you weren't you. Today, my new question is, "As a child, were you 'down'? And by whose standards were you judging how 'down' you were? I know now that I used everyone's standards but my own to judge myself. It's kind of the human thing to do. You look to others for advice and guidance. However, if it guides you towards low self-esteem and self-hatred, you might want to get off of that bus. Now, I have God's standards as my judge. Even days that I don't feel I make the mark at least I can rest in the fact that I'm using a fair and holy judgment system.

My grateful list:

• My friend's good news (So proud of you)
• Mishna's story
• FINALLY finishing my payments for school (I had to charge $9 for some fee they didn't take out of my financial aid. Really Kent? Really?)
• Taco day in the cafeteria
  
• Finally having a hair goal...pray it works out for your girl.

Good night and God bless!