Fighting the Urge

As a Christian (and human to be perfectly honest), I find myself fighting several urges throughout the day. The reason I'm even fighting these urging because my understanding of God's word and the realization that these things I think about and want to do I shouldn't (Okay can't) do. Although I am not finished reading the bible, I already have a good dose of what God expects of me and other Christians. In fact, there are some days when I think, "If I see the words 'love', 'patient', and 'wait' in this book one more time, I'm going to lose it!" Seriously, I get where God is coming from. It's just hard to put some of these things in application.

Let me walk you through my day. Here are some of the urges I fight every day of my life:

• Cussing
• Giving unsolicited advice
• Trying to change other people
• Telling people what I really think about things
  
• Telling people what I really think about them
  
• Sexual temptation
• Negativity
• Jealousy
• Food (eating whatever I want in whatever quantity I want)

I mentioned food last because I lost my fight to food last night and for lunch today. Last night at church all I could think about was a burger. A Rally's burger to be exact. Although I promised myself this week I would eat what's at home and not have any takeout, I REALLY wanted a burger. So after church I went to the gas station that was located far from the Rally's (so not to be tempted), but I couldn't shake this burger thing. So I decided to just go to the McDonalds down the street and get my burger - and fries of course! And when I got home, I enjoyed my burger. And since I already ate one apple - I mean burger, I got another (this time Wendy's) burger. I had salads for dinner and lunch since Monday, so the burgers were the biggest amount of fat I ate all week and I plan on eating a salad tonight for dinner. Even with my justification, I lost this battle, but I give myself props for the ones I did win today like some I mentioned above.

It is really hard to fight the urges that I have, even when the outcome good or bad doesn't affect other people. There will be a day, however, that my choice of urges I give into will affect others. For example, when I get married. Anyone who knows me know how much I would like to be married someday. In fact, if I were running for Miss America, my campaign would be based around rather than a real charity. Joyce Meyers reminded me of the 1 peter 3:1, which talks about a woman winning over her unbelieving husband by her respectful, Godly behavior rather than her words. I feel that even if your husband is a believer, it is still good in regards to men to lead by example. Sometimes, if you come at a man too hard with your words, he will not listen. Some days I wonder if it's my behavior that is not allowing me to be married and some days that answer is yes. If I can't handle fighting some of my urges to say or do certain things single, then having a man in my life is not going to make it better or make my life whole.

I think that the ability to fight some of these urges builds character and helps you mature. It is hard to have to mature and be every single day. Some days I wish I could go back to the school playground where you can say unlimited 'Your momma's' and talk about anyone that you want. On the playground, boys hit you if they like you. As an adult, boys don't hit you. Instead, they ask questions and want to get to know you - the good ones anyway. I know for myself, there's the fear that I don't answer the questions 'correctly' and that ultimately the guy will see the mental case I can be at times and walk away. So in those instances, I fight the urge to A) tell everything about myself in one sitting and B) try to at least think through what I am going to say to avoid the perception of being a mental case!

As always, let me know your thoughts on this post and what urges you fight daily/weekly/monthly. I'm going to start writing back to some of your comments. Being new to blogging, I wasn't sure if I should. On some site, people comment on their own blogs and some don't. I decided today that I want to be one of the ones that do because of the great phone calls and emails I have about some of the post. Also, because of the great comments people write. I read all of them so people keep writing them. Thanks and have a blessed evening (or day if you read it tomorrow).

I Know It's Not Just Me Wednesday - Wonderfully Complex

This week I would like to focus on a possibly familiar scripture. Thanks to various versions of the bible, a new way of stating this particular scripture. The scripture for this week is Psalm 139:14, which normally states, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

My bible, which is the One Year Bible - New Living Translation, has a cooler version of that scripture.
Psalm 139:14 (remix) - Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it.

Readers, I am happy to read and confirm that God made me wonderfully complex! I feel 'wonderfully complex' most of the time. I feel misunderstood about 70% of the time by others. I could be misunderstood because of something I say, my facial expression, actions, and even my ability/inability to comprehend certain things. I realized how complex I was when I went to college and there are two thing that stick out to me in regards to being complex. One, joining a gospel choir in my second year and feeling at least for the first year that I had nothing in common with any of them. At the time, I didn't listen to much gospel music and my church at home was pretty conservative, so I didn't praise God like them and didn't have the music knowledge they did. All I knew was I loved to sing and the gospel choir sounded like a good group to join, but that first year was rough. Everyone was nice, but there was an inability for me to understand them and their inability to understand me. Thankfully, after the first year, I learned to get along with the other members and realized they were just as nutty and complex in their own ways as I am. The second occurence or occurences of complexity were in my English courses. I minored in English because I loved reading and writing. In my courses, I always felt different from others based on how I read the chosen books. I never quite agreed with the others who saw things as black and white. Instead, I saw all of the colors of the rainbow and one of those big Crayola boxes when I read! I could go on and on mentioning other examples from my life that make me feel different and complex, but I'm sure you get the point.

When I first joined my current church home, I thought that I would only feel 'wonderfully complex' until I met people and got acclimated into the culture. Well, I was wrong. Although I'm involved in church activities and I've built relationships there, I still feel as complex to others as I always have. However, I'm learning that this is a good thing and that way that God designed it. Everyone is supposed to be different and 'wonderfully complex' in their own way. If we all had everything in common and talked the same way and walked the same way, it would make for a boring existence and God is in no way boring - at least the people he used in the bible aren't. It's all about being comfortable in your own skin and with your own complex ways.

I'm reading through the bible with a friend of mine and we have discussions on what we've learned. My friend usually has this articulate and wonderful way of describing a story or situation and the key lessons he received from it. I, on the other hand, use pop culture and other analogies to describe what I learn. Like the other day, I compared this one man in Jeremiah (forgot his name) to a serial killer because of how the bible describes he basically went on a random killing spree after killing one key person.

It's little things like that make me wonderfully complex. Just think - what if I had called this blog 'Christian Woman's Journey to God' or something deep like that? Yeah, it would have stated the reason and focus of my writing, but Christian Cleavage is much more interesting. Think of ways that you are wonderfully complex from other people. For close friends of mine reading this site, I can tell you a few things that make you complex.

Re-Entering the Land of the Living

Hey all! I'm back. Not just to blogging, but back to my old self. Old self being the person I was about a week ago. Thanks for your prayers and support during this time. Praise God I am no longer sick. I think I had a sinus infection/cold. I also feel better about not winning the Writer's Digest writing contest - even though it would have been cool to at least place. Also, I am no longer sore from the deer hitting accident. I was only a two in a scale of 1-10 in regards to being sore, but I am healed just the same. Things in life knock you down (in the words of Keri), but the important things is to get up again (in the words of Donnie), but before I got up, I had my pity party. I hate to admit this, but sometimes it only takes one-two major events to set me off into pity partying. And I would say, in my own defense, that a sinus/cold thing that you can't shake and having a run-in with a live animal on a random Tuesday evening are major events!

The thing that I need you to understand, however, is that I throw really good pity parties and this past one was no exception. I made brownies, rented movies, read two fiction books, didn't think about exercise (couldn't anyway because of the heavy medications), brainstormed ideas for my next short story, and I also cleaned my closet and thoroughly dusted my bedroom. So it wasn't all play and no work. I had a blast! Mostly because I took time and rested and did what activities and tasks that I knew would help calm me down. The sad part was I alienated some close friends and family a little in the process and for that, I am sorry.

Overall, I think I just felt defeated by life. With the sickness, everything I tried didn't work and I had to go to the doctor to get a pill that I thought would work. So that's a $25 co-pay plus the $60 plus dollars in prescriptions. Hitting the deer (or the deer hitting me) was a scary event. I'm still a little shaken to drive my car because there are deer signs all over the place. Plus, the money that I have to pay for everything. And the contest...the contest! The only reason that was such a let down is because I took Beth Moore's words to heart. In her book, Believing God, she stated that God doesn't want us to pray just safe prayers. God wants to do the impossible. And my impossible task for God was having my short story or poem get picked out of thousands as the winner and it didn't happen. Not that I don't believe God or Beth Moore, it just didn't happen for what I wanted it to. So really, it was just a week of defeat and honestly, I didn't know how to handle it.

Let met semi take that back. I knew how to handle it, but I didn't want to. Jay-Z makes it sound cool to just brush your shoulders off when bad things happen. However, try brushing off pain (physical and mental), disappointment, and a shrinking bank account and credit card, then tell me how it worked for you. It also was ironic to me that the accident happened on the one month anniversary of Christian Cleavage. You don't think the devil is angry with me, do you? Not little old, understanding the bible for the first ever and tell others about it me??? So yeah, in hindsight I probably had all of these bad things coming, but being a strong person last week didn't sound fun. You know what was fun? Licking the brownie batter. Read a book in one sitting. Listening to the Sirius radio in the rent-a-car. Sleeping during the day like I was a scrub getting no love. Those things were fun.

Finding out I gained six pounds since my birthday during my $25 doctor visit was not fun. Ducking phone calls and Facebook comments from friends and family was also not fun. Also, crying at work wasn't fun, but because I had a good friend to listen to me cry, it helped make the breakthrough that I needed (thanks Josh). So for the sanity of others around me and my own, I had to snap out of it. I went to church yesterday and sadly enough, I felt like a visitor. I hadn't been in two weeks, but it felt like two years. People looked different. The stage was set up differently. I hadn't seen a few friends in a while. Just weird! But I left the house (thanks D) and it felt good overall. Surprisingly, when I arrived home, I didn't want to run to my blanket and not come out again. I was ready to face the world today and I think I did a pretty good job.

Just last week I told you guys I was going to share the good days and bad days. The past week was full of bad days. Did I handle them like a Christian? Not all the way. My attitude and language could have been better. I still read the bible, but didn't follow what it said regarding the whole have joy thing, but I did try to find peace. It took a weekend of seclusion to find my peace and to learn how to breathe again. As a Christian, I'm not sure how to handle bad days and moments of life. Sometimes, I can float through the bad times and sometimes they hit me and I can't get up. All you can do it keep trying. I'm hoping that since I documented this bad time that I can go back to this post and it will help during the next time as far as what to do and not to do.

I Thought It Was Just Me Wednesday - Life's Events

Hi all. I wasn't going to post anything today because truthfully, I'm not in the mood. Thankfully, a friend of mine sent me an email and mentioned at the end of it that he couldn't wait to read I Thought It Was Just Me Wednesday. So you can all thank Lorans for this post. I also thought about how you're not always in the mood to do what God wants you to do. In fact, most of the time I think God is trippin out because some of my callings I never would have guess. Like this blog for instance! But I did have a scripture I picked out over the weekend for today, so here it is.

Proverbs 19:21 - You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail.

I will admit that I don't always like the outcome of this scripture (God's plan), but it's right. You can have all of the best laid plans in the world, but God's plan for your life overrules. Now, you can make your own decisions about your life. You do have freedom of choice. In fact, Joyce Meyers said last week, "You have the deciding vote in your life." However, once you've cast that vote, God can still take that decision and change the course that you thought you were on.

When I was a little girl, I told my family and some of my friends that I wanted to live in California. I'd never been there and still haven't, but I knew California was were I wanted to live based on the constant sunshine and other things I saw on TV. I wanted to be an actress and knew that California was where the movies are made. As a child, I didn't know anything about goal setting or making long-term plans, but I knew I wanted to live in California. I also thought about going to college there in my pre-teens. However, that changed. For one, I found out in my teens how expensive it was to live there. Also as a child, I didn't know anything about
'out-of-state tuition' and how much even a Community College would be out there. I also didn't have any family there that I could possibly live with or just assist me when I would move out there. Currently, I live in Ohio, so no, for those who don't know me, I didn't make it to California.

The reason I'm remembering this is because a friend asked me on Tuesday where I would want to live if I could pick anywhere. My first answer is the same as it was when I was seven, California. Folks, even with all of the world's facts and God's power, I know California is still an option for me. Unless it shuts down like a car plant, I know I can still move to California. Obviously, there are reasons beyond my knowing why my 6 month detour in Ohio has lasted seven years. I can't think of my life without some of the great people I've met here. I've had most of my career here and I've had and have amazing opportunities to learn. Also, my church home. I couldn't say in words how my church home has changed my life. I wouldn't been the person I am today without the great teachings and support system I've gained from my church home. The snow could go somewhere else though.

It's Ok if God's plan doesn't make sense. It's also Okay if you're first thought is to rebel against. I've met people that told me that God told them to quit jobs or ministries and at the time, it made no sense to them. But they did it anyway. I could have told my former employer no when they wanted me to come to Ohio, but I was so young and yearning for experience the thought never cross my mind. Although Ohio is a state away from PA, I knew nothing about it until I moved here. I knew the names of the sports teams, Drew Carey, and of course, WKRP in Cincinnati (loved that show and still know the theme song - singing it right now actually).

I'm not saying you can't have plans and make goals, but please know that the way that you get to from point A to point B God's going to have a hand in it. You may get to live out your dreams and I hope you do, but the way you get there may not be how you expect. I encourage you to pray about your plans and dreams and ask God for his counsel on how you can get there. Please keep me in your prayers. I'm kind of having a hard time with life right now and what God wants from me. I hit a deer with my car yesterday and I'm still a little shaken by it. I don't want to drive and I have to drive to work tomorrow. I'm still asking God why I live in city without a reliable public transportation system. I miss not having to drive. I miss walking. I feel really unhealthy living here because I don't have the luxury. I have to get in a car for everything that I need and that's crazy to me. Thanks for reading and praying. Please give me your thoughts on the scripture and share where you thought you'd live as a child and what you wanted to be when you grew up.

Happy One Month Anniversary, Christian Cleavage!

Hi everyone! Today, Christian Cleavage turns one-month old! Don't worry. I'm not going to be like a mother who tells people her baby is 17 weeks old or 28 weeks old and so on. I will refer to my blog in months thank you very much!

I am very grateful for everyone who has read my blog. The words of encouragement have been amazing and I am just blessed that God has used me in this way. As I told a number of people and also mentioned in a posting, I was tired of telling people I loved to write and not doing it. I decided to make my own writing career with this blog.

This blog is a great way for me to share my Christian walk with you. The good days. The terrible days. The interesting scriptures and how I interpret them. Never on this site do I say that I am a Subject Matter Expert. Nor am I studying to be in a higher ministry position. The only thing I am a Subject Matter Expert on is myself and how I interpret God's word. So please, question me. Read the bible and verify the scriptures I quote for yourself. If you must, disagree with me. BRING IT ON.

Today, I find myself having to follow my own advice. I found out I wasn't a finalist in the Writer's Digest Annual Contest. I'm disappointed in the news. I've tried to tell myself that almost 15,000 people submitted something and not everyone is going to win. But it still hurts. Now, I have to move on and dream a new dream. I have to give my heart something else to do (post 10-05-09). Writer's Digest has another fiction writing contest with a December 1st deadline. Now, my heart and laptop have something to do for the next month. Along with writing this blog and 8-5 job, my fingers and wrists are going to be very worn out. And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Thanks again readers for taking this journey with me. 1 Thessalonians 1:3 - We (I) always thank God for all of you and pray for you constantly.

Sick and Shut In

Hi all. Long time, no blogging. This week took a strange turn of events. On Wednesday, I started to feel extremely tired and by Friday, my nose began to run. Folks, Christian Cleavage is sick. I'm not sure if it is just sinuses or cold. I know it's not a flu. I think the change of weather and the rest I didn't get last weekend finally got to me.

So today, I stayed home from church and rested. I text messaged one of my friends and told her to put my name on the sick and shut in list at church. For those unfamiliar with the concept, some churches post in the bulletin a list of people that are sick, usually of things like cancer and other long term illnesses, and shut in, meaning in the hospital or in a nursing home. Well, I'm not that sick and I am not trying to make fun of people that are with my post title. However, I was sick today and I have been shut in to my home all day.

A few weeks ago I posted an entry called It's OK to be Tired. Today, I was at ease and OK with staying home from church. I knew I was tired and also not feeling 100%. Yes, I missed the fellowship with my friends. And yes, it would have been nice to hear the choir sing. But let me tel you. Being unconscious with my face buried in my pillow felt good too. Not 'I could do this every Sunday' good, but good just the same. I enjoyed my time at home today. I wish I would have gotten more accomplished, but I know the rest will benefit me in the long run.

A few years ago I was sick for about a month and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. My mom told me that maybe God made me sick because it was his way of slowing me down. Even since she told me that, I can't help, but think that may be the case whenever I get sick. I usually got sick when I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off, so God trying to slow me down via illness maybe the only way that I will do it.

The reason I am posting this is because I want you, like me , to learn what you're limits are and to make sure that you stop and rest when you realize you hit them. I have several deadlines at work right now and also in my personal life several projects I want to do. But I have to make sure that I take care of me first because if I don't, nothing will be accomplished in the manner that it should be.

I pray that all of you have a blessed and productive week. Keep in mind what I said and make sure you get your rest and relaxation because God has to give it to you (along with Kleenex and the best drugs Walgreen's has to offer)!

I Thought It Was Just Me Wednesday - Guilt-Free Boundaries

Keeping with this week's guilt-free theme, I want to highlight a scripture that I agree with in terms of why this action might have taken place. I'm taking this scripture from a New Living Translation bible.

Exodus 24:2 - Only Moses is allowed to come near to the Lord. The others must not come near, and none of the other people are allowed to climb up the mountain with him.
In February, I began a 13-week course at church called Healthy Boundaries. During the first class, one woman asked if God had boundaries. One of the instructors said yes and that they would tell references of boundaries in the next class. Well, later that week, I read this scripture and it was like 'jackpot' in regards to the question asked in class. The next day I emailed the class teacher about the scripture so she could share it during the next time. I honestly still can't believe God's timing on that one! I mean we were just talking about God's possible boundaries and there it was in print for all to see.

I could see God being like a Customer Service Manager and telling the others, "What part of 'only Moses' didn't you understand?" Readers, please get this. God had boundaries! I know when I read this, it was a wake-up call for me because if God has to have boundaries, then why do I think I'm so special and don't need any! Well, I'm not and I do!

When I reviewed this scripture again for this blog entry, I now see it from two different angles. The first angle is that it reveals to me that you can't take everyone with you in your life. The purpose of your Christ walk is to be more like God and in this, your flesh should die daily. Meaning, you shouldn't be the same person before that you were after you were saved. Unfortunately, you are going outgrow some habits (which I discuss further in the Safe Environments post) and people. Not everyone is going to take this journey with you. In fact, people will make fun of you and call you crazy and unrealistic. In fact, while you're praying to God about giving you the strength to let them go, they may turn it around and drop you as a friend or relative instead! The more you grow, the more you'll realize it will only be for your good when this occurs. However, I know from experience it still hurts just the same.

The second angle I see in this scripture is you can let everyone know your business. This is hard for me because I want to tell all, all the time. Unfortunately, it took some heart breaking things and some friendships broken to occur for me to see that I need to quit sharing so much with others. You can't tell everyone everything, especially when it comes to your call/purpose and what God has told you about it. As I mentioned above, people are not always going to understand your purpose for doing anything that you're doing. People are usually unkind when you share certain things because:

• they can't handle it
• it's easier for some people to hate on you than to congratulate or support you
• they may steal your idea or concept and cheat you out of your promise
• they may have ulterior motives for wanting to know your business, like wanting to use it to gossip later
• they might have the 'why not me' mentality

It is Okay not answer someone's question about your life. Just say, 'I'd rather not say' or 'it's personal'. If someone has a problem with those statements, then obviously the relationship is not as deep as it seems because a true friend/relative should respect your privacy.

This scripture reappeared in my life because of things I am currently facing. For example, this blog. I have so many ideas for my blog and I know that God wants me to keep them to myself because of some of the reasons mentioned above. God wants me to pray about these ideas rather than tell them to inapproriate people because I cannot get my ideas accomplished in my own power. I already know a few people God is leading me to for assistance and I just hope more names come soon!!!

For both of the angles I mentioned in this post, the only words of wisdom I can give is pray hard and ask for discernment on people in your life and often. This scripture freed me so much because it made me feel validated for not sharing certain things with others. Moses was allowed to access God in the way that he could for a specific purpose and reason. God later told of the consequences of anyone who broke this boundary, which is another part of setting boundaries. Readers, not only do you have to communicate your boundaries with others, but you have to make your intentions clear when people cross the line. There needs to be consequences because you are special and worthy of being treated fairly and with respect.
Please share your thoughts on this scripture. As always, thanks for reading.

Guilt-Free Love

I heard a song on the Muzak system at work today. The lyrics of the song are:
"All I need is the air that I breathe and to love you. All I need is the air that I breathe, yes to love you."

My first thought was, "Jesus, I wish it were that simple!" If I could just be real for a moment, it is not easy to love people. In fact, some days it can take all of your strength (and air, according to that songwriter) to love someone. No one is exempt from this. Your best friend in the whole wide world, your mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, other Christians, co-worker - all of them will get on your last nerve from time to time. It may be unintentionally, but it was your last good nerve just the same and they managed to destroy it. If you're anything like me, you feel this tremendous amount of guilt for not loving them in those moment. You feel like the worst person alive because you can't stand the people who love you back.

As Christians, we are instructed to love others. Romans 12:9 states, "Don't just pretend to love other others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good." At first glance, this verse made me feel even worse because of the 'pretend' part. Sometimes I feel like I'm pretending my love for others, which I thought was OK to do only because of the saying, "Fake it until you make it." I thought if I faked my love for them eventually it would turn into real love...and that didn't happen at least for me. If you have a success story, please share. I thought about it and I would be terribly hurt if I found out one of my love ones was pretending to love me. That would be like finding out someone only dated me because of my looks or the amount of money I have. I don't need fake love and neither do the people around me. So what can we do in order not to fake love others? You can work on having guilt-free love for others.

I was driving back from Pittsburgh yesterday and the term, guilt-free love, came to me. Guilt-free love is loving someone and knowing that you have done everything you can for that person. It is loving them despite any harsh and/or unspoken feelings you have toward them. It's having a clear mind about the way you show your love to them and really being after someone's best interest. It is hard to love others when they are:

• Annoying
• Negative
• Never in your corner
• Misunderstand everything that you say
• Conceited
• Successful
• Lying or stealing from you
• Clearly displaying ulterior motives for being in your life.
  

Getting past these things and loving others is not easy. A few years ago it hit me that I had a lot of guilt about how I was loving and not loving the people in my life. At that time, I decided to do something about it. I started with one relationship. I thought of one person in my life I needed to love better and in this instance, really love them and stop pretending. I listed all of the things I felt guilty of in regards to the way that I loved them. In this relationship, we had a poor communication problem, so it was difficult to talk to them and we fought often. On my end, one of the reasons for the poor communication is because after a while, I hardly picked up the phone when they called. Some of the times it was intentional, but after a while, I knew what I was doing and felt how wrong it. My first challenge to myself was to begin picking up the phone when they called and sure enough, about a week after making this promise to God, I was tested. I'm happy to report I passed. It took more than one phone call to develop this relationship, but step one had to be accomplished first. I had to want to give them real love. Today, I talk this person when they call and also call them from time to time. But please understand, this took time. Please note that 90% of the testimonies I share with you are not over night successes.

The devil hates when people get along and have unity. He loves to turn our lives into a paternity suit episode of Maury Povich, complete with the chair throwing and someone running away crying. I'm learning to like it when the devil hates me because it means I am making better decisions and really loving others around me. Please pray about that one relationship in your life that you need to repair. I pray that you all can be the givers and recipients of guilt-free love.

A Full Heart (And Apparently a Full Schedule)

Greetings all! I hope everyone had a great week and got a lot of things accomplished. I had several things on my plate this week and the week is not over yet, so I didn't get the writing time that I wanted. I pray everyday that this blog is not fade for me and that I stick with it this season. It feels good when people ask me if I wrote something new lately and I can direct them toward this blog. Although I haven't made any comments myself, I want to thank everyone who has visited this site, became a Follower, and left a comment. I've read all them at least 10 times and I am praying for all of you. Please keep me accountable for filling this site with words that I get from God.

Today, I have a heart full of excitement and joy because I get to see my family this weekend. It is rare we are all in the same room, so it will be a treat. I pray for save travels, my niece to healing from her ear infections, and no drama-filledness! I want unity in the community, so God, please provide an environment where that occurs. I can't wait to see them.

I focused a lot on the heart this week, not just on this blog, but in my own life. It is important to take the time to examine your heart and find out what's in it and what should be in it. If you spring clean your home, you should do a spring(or fall) cleaning for your heart. I realized that there a few things that need to leave my heart and that I need to make more room for some of the things in it. I challenge all of you to take a heart inventory and pray about how to handle the findings. Take care and God bless!

I Thought It Was Just Me Wednesday - Your Unique Heart

Hi everyone! Sorry I didn’t write yesterday. I had an idea, but I haven’t flushed it out yet. I’m hoping it will be my topic tomorrow. Today is Wednesday and you know what happens on Wednesday. This is where I share scriptures that I would agree with even if I wasn’t a Christian. I only have one for you today.

Proverbs 14:10 – Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy.
In the last post, I quoted Psalm 33:15 about God understanding everything in our hearts. Well, the thing you have to realize is that all of our hearts have different things in them. So what makes you happy may not make me happy. I may cry (or want to cry) when my favorite musical artist doesn’t win a Grammy Award and you may cry (or want to cry) when your favorite team loses a competition. Basically, we’re all wired differently. As much as you may be like one of your parents or a sibling, you are not them. This scripture is powerful because it reminds you that you can’t treat everyone exactly the same because you might not get the react you’d expect. Yes, as Christians, we are called to love one another, but you are going to love people differently.

If you’ve never read it or took the assessment, I recommend the book, The Five Love Languages (sorry, I’m blanking on the author). It lists and details the five love languages and you take an assessment to see what your love language is. This book not only helped me get to know how to love others based on their love language, but it helped me to get to know how I want and desire to be loved. This scripture also hints to the fact you are responsible for knowing how your heart works. You have to know yourself. The Bishop of my church once said, “You can’t know who you are without knowing who God is. You can’t know who God is until you know who you are.” By knowing who you are, you will know what kind of love to accept and what kind of love you can’t tolerate. This will also help you establish boundaries with others as well.

In other posts, I mentioned the importance of building relationships with other by listening to them. Once you know how your heart works, share that information with those close to you so that you can avoid any confusion or possible misunderstandings. If I know something offends you, then I’m not going to mention it and do that action (at least not intentionally).

This scripture is a huge wake-up call to me to learn more about the people I love so that our relationship can be stronger. I’m also praying that my heart can continue to learn to accept love that is of God and deny love that is not of God. I hope you continue to pray with me and for me as we all take this walk together. Please let me know your thoughts on the scripture.

Give Your Heart Something To Do

There are dozens of thoughts that occupy our mind on a daily basis. What I am going to eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner? How am I going to pay this bill? Did I remember to turn the curling iron off/stove/oven/iron/etc.? I can stand so-and-so and I wish they would go away. I'm never going to find a suitable mate!

If these thoughts are in your mind, what do you think is happening to your heart? Your heart and your mind go together like a pen and paper. If your mind is confused and not clear, then your heart is going to have the same emotions attached to it and that is not good. It's important to have a healthy heart. We all know that you can maintain a healthy heart with exercise and eating foods like Honey Nut Cheerios (at least that's what the box says). However, you can control how your heart works by the feelings that you store in it. Regular circumstances of life like the ones I mentioned in my questions above can easily make you discouraged. That's why you have to give yourself and your heart other things to focus on and otherwise do.

Here are some suggestions:

• Join a new ministry or organization
• Doing something athletic (basketball, running, fishing, football, etc.)
• Home projects like painting a room, building furniture, repairing something
• Reading
• Writing
• Painting
• Scrapbooking
• Starting a blog :^)

The itinerary life provides for you is not always going to be in your liking. Life's itinerary may be based on paying bills, raising children, caring for a parent or loved one, the lose of a job, going without _____ (you can fill in your own blank - mine would be a romantic relationship and having nearby relatives), etc. The parts of your itinerary that you can control is up to you. The point is to fill your life up with things that will give your heart something to do and feel other than bitterness and sadness.

One of my new favorite scriptures is Psalm 33:15 - "The Lord made our hearts, so he understands everything they do." It was comforting for me to read this because I know my heart makes stupid decisions sometimes. Decisions to be jealous or hate on friends and family. Decisions not to forgive and let the past be the past. Decisions to let the wrong people in and turn the right people away. Decisions to feel discourage and hopeless every passing year of my singleness. Ultimately, sometimes my heart doesn't have the sense God gave it. However, that's where faith has to come in. I have to tell myself often that God made a great big world for me to enjoy and there is more to life than the negative that I feel. There are good things and amazing adventures that I just need to be open to. When I remember this, I make the decision to give my heart, my mind, and my life something else to do. What else can you do with your life right now? What is your heart focusing on that it shouldn't? What gives your heart peace? I hope you can take time to answer those questions and once you discover it, go off and do whatever it is that can make your heart beat the way God intended it. I hope everyone has a blessed week and make sure you keep occupying your Internet's heart (Bookmarks/Favorites section) with my blog! :^)

Lights Camera Action...

My original title for this post was Losing Your Cool because of something that happened to me today. However, when I began to reflect on today's event it reminded me of something Christian are always told, which is to be careful of your actions because you never know who's watching. Words similar to that are all over the bible as well (when I find a scripture, I will put it in this post). You never know when someone may call you out for being a Christian because your behavior doesn't reflect it.

This morning I was talking with someone about a situation that had occurred between people we know and how I got the wrong end of the stick in the matter. I was telling someone how I truly felt about the matter and the next thing I know I'd upset myself and said a swear word in the process. After I said the word of choice, I covered my mouth and told the person sorry for speaking that way especially about a situation as petty as this. The person just laughed at me and said, 'and you're a Christian.' The only thing I could say was, 'I know'. I quickly made a joke and changed the subject, but that moment stayed with me all day. Just that quick I forgot I was a Christian and had a non-Christian point it out to me. Just that quick.

Today's event made me think of actors and actresses. When the director yells 'action', you have to immediately get into character and cannot break until the director yells 'cut'. Well today reminded me that being a Christian is a similar experience except there is no on or off button for it and God never yells cut. My Christianity has to be my life 24/7. My beliefs have to be my beliefs no matter where I go and my actions have to reflect those beliefs.

This being 'on' all the time wouldn't sound so hard if it wasn't for the bible being such a big book! If it were a pamphlet, I could probably memorize it and live by it with no problem. The bible, however, is like the script of a one-woman show on Broadway. It is just you and the living word and you have to know every word and there is no room for error. An actress in a one-woman show cannot blame the actors if she messes up because there are no other actors. You are accountable for the performance. Today and everyday, I am accountable to God and others know it. Needless to say, I felt and still feel ashamed of myself for such a public mess up, but it was a good lesson for me and I hope for you as well. Remember God in everything and keep him close. Although I listened to Christian music on the way to work, I didn't have on my full armor of God like I should have. I apparently left some important pieces at home like a muzzle.

When this event occurred, my first thought was to share it with you because I wanted you to see that you're not going to be a perfect Christian everyday. This blog is in no way a How To Manual from someone who knows 'how to' be a proper Christian. I just want you to learn from me. If you don't want to pick up the bible, I'll pick it up for you and share what I'm learning. Most importantly, if I make a mistake, I want to share it with you so if by chance you made the same mistake today you won't feel like the worst person in the world. That's not to excuse the behavior. Please pray and ask God to correct your mind and heart for the next time. But I want us to be able to lift each other in pray and how will you know what to pray for me if I only tell you the good stuff. I have had an issue with my language for a long time and I want to improve in this area. As a person who is truly sorry, I hope not to have a blog entry like this again, but if I do, it just means I wasn't on and that for some reason, I forgot that God's lights and camera are on my everyday and he watches every one of my actions.