This Week I Know It's Not Just Me - Thanks Inventory

On 9-22-09, I wrote a blog post called It Begins With Thanks. With Thanksgiving being this week, I thought I would be typical for one moment and write about what I am thankful for now. Here is a scripture that I feel suits my mood and the mood of others for this week.

Psalm 109:30 - But I will repeatedly give thanks to the Lord, praising him to everyone.

It's funny how my list has changed since the 9-22-09 post. Here a few things that I am thankful for:
- This blog
- My wonderful 19 Followers (thank you so much)!
- Family love and support
- For surviving yet another car accident
- Hitting work deadlines
- Music - discovered a new band this week, the Rescues
- Lower bills-budgeting tips
- Hot showers
- Peace of mind and its ability to show up when necessary
- Tears because I'm way more in touch with my emotions when they come out that way.
- Not always having to be the bigger person
- Hugs and kisses
- Hindsight
- New friends
- God forgiving me when I don't get it right the first time
- Patience
- Going to Pittsburgh today!!!!
- The ability to be thankful

I used the scripture above for today's post because my purpose for this blog was to praise the Lord in front of others and to show what can become of your life when you begin to live for the Lord. The past two months of blogging have been better than any therapy I could have paid for. Not that I would ever do it, but I get posing for Playboy or one of those publications. With this blog, I get to be naked with my feeling in front of others and it's so freeing and definitely helped me inhale and exhale better. When I hit 'Publish Post', there's no turning back. My words are out there and I love it! Thank you all for reading and encouraging me and letting me love what I do. I thank God for all of you and if I don't post tomorrow, have a great Thanksgiving.

Lack of Sleep Diaries

When you've had less than four hours of sleep, you shouldn't be able to do the following things:

• Drive a car
• Teach six hours of soft skills training classes
• Spend an evening with a very important person
• Wake your mother up at 7 a.m. just to tell her about your evening with a very important person
• Write pages and pages of training materials
• Edit training materials
• Prepare important Excel reports
  
• Shop - for anything!
  
• Attempt to do more to your hair than a simple ponytail

This week I did all of those things. With the exception of the my hair, I did it all surprisingly well. This week I was missing sleep like my niece misses her binky and felt like the craziest person alive.

In hindsight, I could have gone to bed earlier most of those nights. The one night I attempted to go to bed early my upstairs neighbor was cussing someone out throughout the night. He said the F-bomb so many times I thought George Carlin was still alive. As a result, that night I didn't fall asleep into peaceful sleep until 3ish.

In order to stay awake, I drank plenty of work supplied coffee, listened to lots of Fall Out Boys and Britney, listened to endless TD Jakes, Joel Osteen, and Pastor Vernon sermons on You Tube, and prayed every day that God would give me the strength and energy I needed. I learned a lot this week from the sermons about dreams, having a vision, using the time I have wisely, and about the people that you need to hang around. However, I still haven't figured out what Britney is saying in 3.

This week did bring several joys. My training classes went well and I actually remember what I said in them. Biggest highlight - I had the best night of my life this week when I hung out with the important person. I made a new friend and I'll soon begin working in a new ministry so double blessing.

Today, I was able to make up for my lack of sleep throughout the week. I followed the words of Mark 6:31 - Let's go off by yourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile. I watched a marathon of Grey's Anatomy episodes from Season Five. I cried at least four times while watching them. But it felt good to have the quiet time and rest. I'm praying that the Lack of Sleep Diaries is over at least until after the holiday. I'm going to go back to resting now. Have a good evening and thanks for reading.

I Have Not Forgotten You

Hi all! I want to take a break from the regularly scheduled program of 'I Thought It Was Just Me Wednesday'. Don't worry. Next week, I will bring back the regularly scheduled program of a new verse that I find interesting from the bible.

This blog topic has been on my mind for the past week. It started last week with a thought that I had on my way to work. Well, actually more like a fantasy. On my way to work I think mostly think about what it would be like to not have to go to my job anymore. Not because of a layoff or insubordination, but in my fantasy, I am actually doing one of my many dream careers. Don't get me wrong. The job I have now is one of my dream careers. I love certain aspects of my job, but really if I could do my job and work within my own schedule it would be sweet!

On any given day, I am grateful for the moments that remind me of the dreams that I have in my heart. Let me give you a few examples.

On the drive to work - when I hear a song that love on the radio, it reminds me of my dream of working in the music industry as songwriter, producer, or some other music exec. Also, the not so glamorous fantasy of being a record store owner like John Cusack's character in High Fidelity.

Yesterday I attended a baby shower at work and that reminded me of my dream of being a mom. Also, any time I talk to my sister and her kids are making noises in the background - I don't smile with jealousy. I smile and laugh in anticipation for what I want.

Discussing the upcoming wedding of a co-worker reminds me of my desire to be marriage. The smile and joy on her face is priceless and I can't wait to have a priceless smile. Also, the desire to be in love again and for myself, having the hope that 'next time it will be different'.

Looking at the lives of some of my friends on Facebook remind me of my dreams to travel and hopefully live somewhere else. Nothing is wrong with Akron, but in an earlier post, I mentioned my desire to go to California and how that hasn't gone away.

The last desire I have is of course writing. I probably get reminded of this dream the most not just because of the books I've read recently, but because of the TV shows, NPR programs, and church sermons I listen to. There are so many people out there that get paid and recognized for the words they say or write it's amazing and it's everywhere. My first love was definitely words that's for sure (sorry to the guy out there that thought that would be personal shout out him).

I call this blog post, 'I Have Not Forgotten You', because during that 25 minute drive to work I make sure that I don't forget the real dreams that are in my heart but live out those dreams even if in my mind. When I have weeks like this week where my days are longer, several deadlines and nothing's done, and I go home to an empty apartment with no one to unload on, I need those dreams. In fact, some days I need them more than food and air. T.D. Jakes once said, "A dream is God telling you how your story ends." I pray that God will let some of these things come to pass for me and if he doesn't, I have to trust that he has reasons.

I hope you don't mind me reflecting on what I hope to come. I know I've mentioned some of these things in past blogs, but it's important that you remind yourself of your dreams. For the past couple of days, I've been feeling like I am just going through the motions, so I need to remind myself that the motions of life change constantly and it's to me to ensure my life is moving and changing toward the dreams that I have for myself. You can't live by someone else's expectation for you. You have to live by what God is telling you and by what you have in your heart. Please share your thoughts on this blog and reflect on any dreams that you hope will come soon.

I Thought It Was Just Me Wednesday - Multi-Purpose Faith

The scripture I want to focus on today is one that I sent a friend via text message in July. I told him that this scripture describes the foundation of our relationship perfectly.

Romans 1:12 - When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.

Upon re-reading it today, this scripture really symbolized to me that my faith, salvation, and the grace and mercy that God gives me is not all for me. It's really for others. It's easy to say that you should encourage one another, but what does that really mean? I know for me it means that when I get together with my friends, family, or people at work, I should try uplift their spirits, hopes, dreams, and desires as much as possible. Instead of quickly judging and giving my input on what they want, I should take the time and listen to them for understanding rather than evaluation. It also requires me to be honest with them in regards to what I am encouraging them to do and in a loving way.

On the other side of this coin, you should also be encouraged by the people around you - this is the 'all about you' part! You have to take a look at the people you're hanging around and ask yourself, 'should I really be around these people? Do they bring me down or lift me up? ' Also, in regards to being encouraged by someone else's faith, ask yourself what do the people around you want out of life? I'm not saying that everyone should want to make lots of money or live in the biggest house, but they should be striving for something and more importantly, they should believe that God is able to do anything. I am often encouraged by the faith of my friends. When my friends are passionate about something, they will pray heaven in order for something to happen with it and that encourages me. I don't want to hang with people who have given up and don't believe in anything other than today. So people watch the company you keep and pray for discernment about those people who are not encouraging you or themselves.

This scripture reminds me of 'it's better to give than to receive' in a sense because on one side, you want to be the one who encourages the other person, but then you also want to be encouraged. So which side should you want to be on? Truthfully, both are great. Sharing encouragement with another person is a beautiful thing. When you genuinely want the best for another person and pray that their deepest desires come to pass, you've hit the Christian Jackpot! Because that's when your heart contains everything God wants you to have. That's when you'll feel closest to God because every moment of every day God wants the best for us.

So when you have someone in your life that is speaking life into you, praying for you, and giving you that one-on-one encouragement, thank God for them. And don't forget to do your part and encourage them back. As always, leave a comment with your thoughts on this blog entry and share an experience of being encouraged or being the one to encourage. God bless you!

Not a Shakespeare Day!

I have a confession. This is the second morning in a row that I don't have a real topic to blog about. Since I go to extremes even in my thoughts, my first thought was, 'have a lost my super cool connection with God?' And of course because of who God is, that answer is no. Second thought, 'have a lost my spark or my touch?' And because of who I am, I know that answer is no. So what's going on? I want to write, but nothing is happening to write about.

Well, after thinking this over as my computer booted up this morning, I had to remind myself of something I say all the time....Jenn Jenn, it's really not that serious!

For the past two days, I haven't been motivated to write anything and I have to be okay with that. I'm learning to be okay with it. This past weekend was one of the best I've had since the weekend with my family in October, so I figured the words would just flow. I got to hang out with people I haven't seen in a while. I ate wonderful food and just had a wonderful time. Sunday was church and rest, my two favorite Sunday activities. So why don't I have a topic for this dang blog?

Well, because my blog content is not based on my weekend. It's based on what God wants me to write. After the second week of blogging, I sadly had to kick myself off my on own pedestal when I realized God might not inspire wonderful thoughts and words everyday. My topics, like the seasons of life, are going to come and go. Some days I'll hit it out of the park and even inspire myself and some days I'll sleep in and forget for two seconds that I have this blog.

I hope this post wasn't too bored for you. I just want to write you all and tell you that as much as you want to be, some days you're not going to be Shakespeare or have beautifully written dreams like MLK. You may have a day where you're like a flustered contestant on a game show who doesn't answer before the buzzer goes off. However, I'm not fluttered or upset about this. As much I want to drop some knowledge today, I know that when the idea or inspiration comes, I'll be ready. Have a great day!

I Thought It Was Just Me Wednesday - One Point for Singleness - Zero for Drama-filled Relationship

Hey everybody! It's my favorite day to blog! Well, actually it's the one day of the week I told myself I would always blog. Today is I Thought It Was Just Me Wednesday, which is where I discuss a scripture that I agree with and would agree with even if I wasn't a Christian. This year of reading the bible has brought to light so many scriptures to me and not just the ones that I've heard over and over. On Wednesday, I like to focus on a scripture that either I maybe heard once and never again or possibly never read before. I remember this particular scripture about a year ago and I want to share it with you now. This scripture is from a New Living Transition bible.

Proverbs 25:24 - It's better to live alone in a corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.

The older I get, the more I realize singleness can be a really cool thing. I am single with no children so my singleness really has it's perks for me. Take tonight for example. When I got home, I heated up leftover and the portion was just enough for me. After eating, I laid down on the couch and checked Facebook a few times from my cell phone because my computer desk seemed really far away. I then read a few pages of the book, Guinea Pig Diaries (very funny, by the way). Afterwards, I took a little cat nap before reading my word for today and blogging tonight. Now, as a single woman living on her own, this is a typical night for me....and to be truthfully honest, I usually love every minute of it. Yes, it would be nice to have someone to kiss when I walk through the door. Yes, it would have been nice to not eat leftover and have someone here who could have started cooking dinner for me. And of course, sex would be nice. Hey, just keeping it real! But at what cost do I really want these things?

I don't think about my ex-boyfriends often, but when I do, I thank God that none of those relationships lasted. Not because they were bad people or even Dateline level dangerous. If I would have stayed in those relationships, I wouldn't have been the 'Proverbs 31 Virtuous' woman, but the 'Proverbs 25:24 quarrelsome wife' woman. If that were the case, then I would be the person with Dateline or Snapped tendencies! Those relationships were not build to last. In fact, some of them weren't meant to start, but I thank God that they are over and I have yet another chance to find someone new.

I don't want to be a quarrelsome wife, nor do I want a quarrelsome husband. So until the time comes for me to meet and marry my husband, I will stay in my corner - or in my case, my one bedroom apartment. One realization I had this year is that I don't need my Ken doll to have my Barbie dream house. I started house hunting a couple of months ago so that I can expand my corner. Although I'm probably a year or two away from having a house, I know that I can make my own home and when my husband comes along, he will just have to get a moving truck and settle in. I always fantasized about buying my first home with my husband. I wanted someone to grow with. My realization this year was to make a new dream and since I've been doing this well on my own, let's take it to the next level and have our own house.

When I read this scripture a year ago, I remember thinking that although this scripture has merit, it doesn't take away the lonely nights of being single and all the responsibility and stress I have to bare on my own. Reading now I see it in a whole new light. I read it now as inspiration to keep on the single path that I am on and to not make any stops until God taps me on the shoulder and tell me the guy is a keeper. Because I don't need any drama coming up in my one bedroom apartment!

Everywhere That I Go

Today, I had the song, Everywhere That I Go by Israel Houghton, in my head all day - even now. Since I don't own the CD, I went to You Tube several times throughout the day to hear this song. During my bible reading tonight, I read with this song in my head and began to think about my car accident two weeks ago. That was not my first car accident. In fact, I have been in several. What makes them all significant is that I survived all of them with not one scratch on my body. There were a few that I was sore, but never any real damage and based on some of them, you couldn't tell that if you saw the car or cars involved.

I don't like to talk about them because one, it's embarrassing. Surprisingly, people tend to make fun of you for being in a car accident, even ones that aren't your fault and ones that I could have killed you. It's insensitive to me and hurts my feeling, hence I tend to leave out the biggest part of my testimony. There is nothing fun about any car accident to me. Even before all of mine, I never laughed at people in them because everyone makes mistakes and what if someone had gotten hurt. Even typing about them now I scared about the reaction I will get, but God wanted me to write this tonight based on my experience with him during my reading.

Tonight, I read Lamentations. At the beginning, it talks about how beautiful Jerusalem was, comparing it the queen of the Earth and being the greatest among the nations. But then it turned to being deserted and in according chapter 1:1 - now sits alone like a widow. It mentions how God planned its' destruction and he knew what he was doing when he ruined it. All of a sudden as I read I began to cry. All of those car accidents I was in I was able to walk away from. It might have caused me a lot of money and at one point, a lawsuit that caused me terrible stress and anxiety attacks, but my health did not fail and I walked away with no scratch and the law suit was dropped. As I cried, I asked God, like I have before, why I didn't end up like Jerusalem? Why didn't God destroy me? Why didn't I die or at least get seriously hurt? Those may seem like stupid and pointless questions, but when you experienced the same drama over and over, you tend to think, 'ok, just get rid of me already so I don't have to face my family, friends, or anyone else.' But another thing also happens when I think of the accidents. The beautiful and painful thing that happens is I get extremely overwhelmed when I think of whatever it is God apparently has planned for me to do. Obviously, there has to be some great assignment or task to fulfill if I am surviving these many times from something that could kill me.

As the tears flowed tonight, I said, once again, thanks be to God for sparing my life and wonder what it is he has for me to do. May be it's this blog. May be it's the children I haven't had yet or the marriage I haven't had yet. May be it's more ministry work. May be it's something for my family. Whatever it God is not letting me get away without doing it and again, I can only say thank you for snatching me out of harm's way. It makes me also feel silly for tripping out over the little things that I do because of the bigger picture and the bigger situations God's already seen me through. Bishop did a series on Being Chased and Chosen by God and it was one of my favorite series because I never thought of God being in my life in those terms. Because of the series, I know when God has had to chase me from stuff I had no business doing. Through reading the bible this year, I am seeing how great it is to be chosen by him. Please remember God is there wherever you go. You don't have to survive horrific things like me to feel him. Learn to feel him in the good as well as the difficult. I appreciate God more now for surviving what I did and giving me the opportunity to write about it today.