Can I Love Something Enough to Let It Go?

I’m going to be honest. This topic first came to mind because of a personal situation I’m dealing with right now. But that subject is way too personal and close to my heart to put on my blog. However, as I thought more about the question I’ve been asking myself for the past week, it made me think of other events in my life that I don’t mind writing about. As I mentioned in the last post, I am going back to school in the fall for my graduate degree. Although I know this is the best thing for me, I can’t help but think of some of the things I’m going to be giving up to do this. Mainly, the freedom that came with being an adult. The freedom to literally go to work and come home. In August, I will have two classes a week that will give me lots of reading and papers to write. I will have to miss church on Wednesday nights and probably my workout class on Tuesday evenings (that is if nothing is due for class the next day, which means yes I will say bye-bye to class). Before June, I had the equivalent attitude of a teenage mom regarding grad school. I thought, ‘my life won’t change that much. I can still hang with the girls, have plenty of time for Prince Charming (when he meets me), and for other activities (like coming home from work and kickin’ it on the couch).’ Well, let me tell you. My friends have Scared Me Straight, but thankfully, not so much that I took back my acceptance. They just put my upcoming life in perspective for me and I’m totally grateful. Now, I just need to become ‘adult’ enough to handle this new adventure.

Adult for me means putting down the remote, going to bed at a decent hour, saying bye-bye to Hudson’s great combo of Jillian Michaels and Denise Austin (shout out to Paulie), and really taking my future (now that I have one again) seriously. So I ask the question again, ‘can I love something enough to let it go?’ I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel like I’m the only person in the world that has to let go of the things I love. It seems like everyone around me can keep what they love and sometimes get more stuff to love. Like love relationships, for example, other people can break up with someone and it be a painful love and then meet the love of their life two weeks later and keep that love. Not your girl, here. When I let go of a love, I have a three-five year community service sentence of loneliness and have to be all runner-up contestant like as I smile for the good fortune of others. My new favorite ice cream, Starbucks' Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino, is only out for a limited time, so unless by popular demand it stays I'll have to let that go too. (Damn! Damn! Damn!) But back to grad school and the upcoming funeral to my free time and getting out of debt sooner. If Michael Jackson never could say goodbye, then I feel like I’m always saying goodbye. And since I think Lionel Ritchie is lyrical genius, I want to rather sing his song and say, “Hello”.

And of course hearing, Leann Rimes singing “How Do I Live (without you)?” on the work Muzak system everyday doesn’t help accepting the fact that God wants me to let go of things. He wants me to release those things are not good for me so that He can fill them with good, quality things. He wants me to give up my love for everything on TV to get the best education of all. He wants me to risk sleep and doing fun things now in order to ultimately do the funnest thing everyday and get to call it a career. Even if I wasn’t going back to school, there should be some sort of dream in my heart. Even if it is just the excitement and zeal I had when I first started this blog. I felt this great responsibility, but a great sense of purpose at the same time that I was really grateful to God for.

So can I be strong enough, adult enough, and Christian enough to let things in my life go so that God can move and show me things that are probably 10 times better? Let’s find out.

How I'm Spending My Summer Vacation

Hello all! Yes, I'm still Christian and yes, I still have cleavage! Here's an update on my life in the form of 10 questions:

1. Where have you been? Well, I've been working hard at my J-O-B (just over broke). I enrolled in graduate school and will begin in the fall. I also recently had a wonderful vacation.
2. What are going to study in graduate school? Masters of Education - Curriculum and Instruction. I'm still deciding what my concentration will be. I take a tour of Kent State this weekend and I cannot wait.
3. What made you want to go to grad school? Well, I feel I want to learn more about the educational field and that now more than ever companies want Master degrees so I need to reposition myself. The first career I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a teacher. I had a chalkboard, stickers, and tons of stuffed animals that were my students. And the bigger stuffed animals were the parents. I loved them all and gave them great backstories from the girl raised by the single father to the most popular and wealthiest girl in school (she had a pool too)! So at a young age, I loved the education field and had a gift of fiction. Who knew!
4. Where did you go on vacation? I went to New Yoooo-rrrkkk (sings Alicia Keys in my head). I went to visit my best pal from college. She took me everywhere! I've been to New York before, but not like a person who lived there. We were constantly on the subway and walking and although I had back pains at the end of each day, I loved it! I of course got 'labels' while I was there, like my new Prada (a.k.a. Hawta) purse. But really I saw Brooklyn, Chinatown, Little Italy, Times Square, saw Promises, Promises on Broadway (very funny), 34th Street, Mood (the fabric store from Project Runway), Gray's Papaya, Junior's (yes, P. Diddy was justified in making them walk. The cheesecake was excellent), the Seaport (wonderful area-definite highlight), and dinner one night in East Village (wish I saw it during the day time because it seemed like a cool place, too). I'm sure I left out stuff but it was wonderful. Highly recommend seeing New York by foot and when you have enough time to explore.
5. How's the bible reading? Next question.
6. Did you miss your blog? Yes, I did. I was glad for the break because it seemed like I had nothing to say. Plus, with everything going on, I felt the need to live for a while and then come back. But really, if anyone that was a follower reads this entry, I will really be grateful beyond words.
7. How do you feel about going to school and working full time? Not totally thrilled. I never wanted to go back to school, first of all. It was going to be me and my Bachelors for life! But the world is changing and my interests are changing. I need thought I'd want to study Education, but I do. I really want to teach college level and also do some consulting eventually so this degree program is perfect. Plus, I know others that are going to school and working and raising a family and running businesses, so what's my excuse? It's still me, myself, and I at home, so let's do it now before the guy comes along and sweeps me off my feet to knock me up.
8. Come on, you read none of the bible in the past month? Well, for a Sunday School lesson, I reread most of Ecclesiastes and I laughed my butt off. It's so funny and very true. The verse that made me feel better about being me was Ecc. 8:1 - "How wonderful to be wise, to analyze and interpret things. Wisdom lights up a person's face, softening its harshness." I analyze everything from rootus to the toothus so that made me feel great about my questioning of everything.
9. Read any good books lately? Fiction wise: Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornsby and Heart of the Matter by Emily Giffin. Non-fiction: It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken; My Fair Lazy (still reading), and So Long Insecurity, You've Been a Friend too Long (didn't finish yet, but already helpful).
10. Final Thoughts? This year has been a transforming year thus far. For the first time in a long time, I am spending money on myself and able to do the things others take for granted, like buying a new shirt, new nail polish colors, and oh yeah, wear sunglasses because I finally got contacts again for the first time in four years. I'm starting to care more about me, physically and emotionally. My line of the year is 'you have to teach people how to treat you' (thanks Regina). But I'm taking that a step further and treating myself better so others will know that I take pride in myself and making sure I'm not settling for less than the best God has for me in everything. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful evening. I want to leave you with a picture of Brooklyn's finest...what a majority of the mannequins look like at stores there. Enjoy!