Vacation Over...

I, like others with common sense, wouldn't go on a vacation without telling my employer about it. So I guess it wasn't kosher for me to go on vacation from my own blog and not tell anyone about it. I'm truly sorry for that. I needed time to clear my head, which as I type this, realize that is a loaded statement. The truth is your head never going to be fully cleared. You are always going to have some thought, idea, concept, second-guess, doubt, unanswered question, brain fart, etc. going on in your head. Yes, your idea might come to life and yes, your question will one day be answered, but in the meantime, you have you, your thoughts, and hopefully God to pray to about the insanity going on in your head.

Like a heathen walking to the alter with my head down, that's how I feel as I write this. God put this blog in my heart and I feel bad for not continuing the assignment for the past month. I thought about writing everyday. But it was weird. It was like every time I wanted to go to my laptop and write, it felt like my laptop had a lock on it and I didn't have the key. I just couldn't do it. When people would ask about my lack of blogging, like yesterday (thanks Mark), I said that I didn't just want to write fluff and wanting this blog to have meaning. Well, that's true, but my tag line is 'the bumpy road to being all calls you to be', so I should have let you in on the bumps and not hid from you and them.

The truth is after this hiatus from writing I don't feel too much wiser. I mean God blessed me in the interim in many ways and I did get some thinking done. However, I still have a few unanswered questions, still grieving some things I wanted to believe, and I haven't done much bible reading. And the bible reading or lack there of - well let's just say I've been my own case study (which was something I met to write about). Not reading has left me feel a little distant from God and also not as calm and wise. Reading mostly everyday last year mainly taught me discipline because no matter how tired, angry, hungry, or crazy I felt, I still read and learn a little something each time.

I'm not saying I promise to write everyday, but only writing once a month was not what's up and definitely not what God meant this blog for. But I will make more appearances and also bring back the 'I Thought It Was Just Me' blog entries. I enjoyed those and I know others did to. Please keep me in your prayers and I definitely have kept you all in mine. Oh yeah, I missed you!