Hello everyone! It's the revival of I Thought It Was Just Me Wednesdays. Today, I want to feature a scripture that I've read several times and never really thought much of. Based on recent prayers and events, I wanted to explore it in a blog entry.
Mark 5:30 - And if your hand - even your stronger hand - causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown in hell.
Now, as a teenager and even in my early 20s, I thought it was ridiculous to cut off your hand or any part of your body because you were doing the wrong thing. If I cut off my hand for sins, then how could I work or blog or eat hot wings? But I was thinking too literal about the verse. This verse really wants you to explore your everyday patterns and see what in them is making you not be the man/woman of God you need to be. What is causing you not to have your full armor of God on and simply sin.
Although I don't want to cut off any parts of my body, I know several ways that I sin using four parts of my body.
Eyes - I've used my eyes for lust as the previous verse mentions, but not just in the area of sex. I've felt lust over other people's dreams or careers, possessions, and love lives. As mentioned in other blogs, I struggle with single woman's lust, especially since my past dictates that I am no angel in the sex area. Once you've sampled and bitten that apple, it's hard not to think of it, but I know from talking to virgins that sometimes they feel they have it worse.
Hands - Being anxious and impatient and doing things unauthorized by God. Also, using my hands to type harsh words or gossip about others.
Mouth - OMG! This one could take all day! I'll sum it up by admitting to not thinking before I speak and saying my first thoughts without thinking of the consequences. This has resulted in saying "sorry" or "my bad" on more occasions than I'd like to admit.
Legs - Knowing the right thing to do and choosing the wrong thing. Your legs always know when you are going to do something bad. It's like for those few moments they take over as your brain and before you know it you're hopping into bed with men or going to the burger place instead of the gym and you're shaking your head later like fool.
What can I do (or you do) about the things that cause us to sin? Literally chopping off my body parts is not an option (sorry New Testament, but I think there is a better way). One thing you can do is clear your path and cut activities or temptations that will cause you to sin. One thing I had to check myself on recently is the amount of R-Rated shows and movies that I watch. Sure, some of these shows and movies are great entertainment, but for myself, I know exposing myself in large amounts is not good. So I hope to decrease the R-Rated viewing this year - not get rid of entirely because baby steps are necessary.
As Christians, one of the best things you can do is pray about the areas of sin. Joyce Meyers recommends that your bible reading and study should focus on what you struggle with. If you find numerous areas of sin like myself, then just pick one and focus on that for a month or so. Praying is a wonderful thing. The best part about prayer to me is closing my eyes. For years I thought it didn't count unless I closed my eyes. There's something about closing my eyes that helps me regroup and focus. It helps when dealing with sin to close your eyes for a moment and really think about why this sin exists in your life. It could be genetic. It could be a stronghold you've had for years. It could be something you saw someone else do, it looked cool, and now not only is it not cool, but it's destroying your life so much so that maybe you thought about cutting off your hand.
The next time you pray, close your eyes, but before you start praying, think about how God sees you and your life. He thinks your wonderful and way better than the sin that's in your life. He thinks your an overcomer and the head and not the tail. Once you have God's thoughts in your head, begin to pray about them and about your area of struggle and be honest. Sometimes I didn't know what God thought of me, especially in times of sin. But when I took the sin out of the equation and thought of God first, I discovered all of the wonderful things he thought about me and it made it easier to pray to him because let's face it. When you're in sin, you don't want to go to him, but in reality, he should be the first person you call.
I hope this post helped you think about your own areas of sin. I think that God wants more of us and he realizes that before we can do more, we need to think more of ourselves.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Black, White, and Everything in Between
The Bishop of my church made a good point yesterday about Martin Luther King, Jr. Most people only know Dr. King's 'I Have a Dream' speech. The truth is he had several speeches that were just as good as that one and expressed the movement in better words. When Bishop said that, I thought about memories. It's common to only remember one thing or aspect about a person. Although it's nice to be able to remember at least one thing about a person, it's not always the smartest things to do. Where it gets danger is when you judge that person on only that one thing when you know you've seen multiple sides of them.
For example, you may have a favorite relative and hence, only have good thoughts of that person. If you were brave enough to flip the coin, maybe that relative was good to you, but you saw them be mean or nasty to others. The opposite of that example would be having a relative that just did you dirty and in that instance, you only see bad. However, maybe in small ways they've been trying to make up for that bad experience, but you being you, still want to remember them for that one time and not the possible good times you could have if you just chose to forgive and forget.
There are many sides to people and if you're blessed and they are someone you truly love, you may get to see various sides. I can honestly say that the people closest to me have seen me at my worst and best and everything in between. And although I often feel foolish and embarrassed about the worst moments, I'm glad they saw them because I want them to know the real me. I have good tendencies and not so good tendencies and how can we be really close if you never got to see some of each.
People sometimes want to put you in a bubble and depending on the situation, the bubble might be the best place to live. However, if you are always placing people inside certain bubble, how are they going to breathe? When are they ever going to get to show you the different sides of them? Talents are one area where once someone finds out you can do something, that's all they want you to do. Little do they know you have multiple talents and abilities. It's important that you give other people the chance to show you more about them and also that you show more of yourself to others.
Unfortunately, I had to work today. If I would have had the day off, I can't say that I would have done anything that Dr. King would be proud of. I only know that today I got to go to a job where I got a wear many hats in the span of eight hours. Today, my talents weren't totally wasted; I was a writer, a graphic designer, a customer service rep, a researcher, a friend, and an Excel princess. Think about all of the different people you get to be in one day. Do you like those 'people'? Is there more you want to share? Well, if so, good news. You have tomorrow to show those sides of you; the black, white, and everything in between.
For example, you may have a favorite relative and hence, only have good thoughts of that person. If you were brave enough to flip the coin, maybe that relative was good to you, but you saw them be mean or nasty to others. The opposite of that example would be having a relative that just did you dirty and in that instance, you only see bad. However, maybe in small ways they've been trying to make up for that bad experience, but you being you, still want to remember them for that one time and not the possible good times you could have if you just chose to forgive and forget.
There are many sides to people and if you're blessed and they are someone you truly love, you may get to see various sides. I can honestly say that the people closest to me have seen me at my worst and best and everything in between. And although I often feel foolish and embarrassed about the worst moments, I'm glad they saw them because I want them to know the real me. I have good tendencies and not so good tendencies and how can we be really close if you never got to see some of each.
People sometimes want to put you in a bubble and depending on the situation, the bubble might be the best place to live. However, if you are always placing people inside certain bubble, how are they going to breathe? When are they ever going to get to show you the different sides of them? Talents are one area where once someone finds out you can do something, that's all they want you to do. Little do they know you have multiple talents and abilities. It's important that you give other people the chance to show you more about them and also that you show more of yourself to others.
Unfortunately, I had to work today. If I would have had the day off, I can't say that I would have done anything that Dr. King would be proud of. I only know that today I got to go to a job where I got a wear many hats in the span of eight hours. Today, my talents weren't totally wasted; I was a writer, a graphic designer, a customer service rep, a researcher, a friend, and an Excel princess. Think about all of the different people you get to be in one day. Do you like those 'people'? Is there more you want to share? Well, if so, good news. You have tomorrow to show those sides of you; the black, white, and everything in between.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I Thought It Was Just Me - Quit Being an Idiot
Based on my reading of the entire bible year, it was quite amusing to see how many times God was blunt with us on his stance on things. He was very honest. One of my favorite parts and one I would like to focus on in an upcoming blog post is when he says, "I'm sick of saving you." I can't remember off hand where that is, but it was very refreshing to read because people act like God's always going to come to you like a superhero when really he's tired of being your Superman. He ultimately wants us to be our own Superman and make the right decisions the first time. Today's scripture backs up that perspective of my reading of the bible.
Proverbs 1:22-23 - How long, you simpletons, will you insist on being simpleminded? How long will you mockers relish your mocking? How long will you fools hate knowledge? Come and listen to my counsel. I'll share my heart with you and make you wise.
My initial title for this blog was "How long?", but based on God's direct to be blunt, I decided on "Quit Being an Idiot". I think that title is appropriate based on the scripture making it plan and calling people simpletons and fools. As Christians, we are told it's foolish to call yourself a believer and not listen to God. It defeats the purpose of having God in your life. If you really want to follow your own instruction, then stop going to church, stopping reading the bible, and write your own. Have your own services starring you, directed by you, and produced by you. And don't forget the original score by you!
This year I have been a stereotypical American because I have made personal goals and promises to myself that I want to follow going into this new year and to date, I'm on track for a few of them. Two things that I didn't mention in the 'Unfinished Business' blog entry are working out more and eating more at home/brown bagging my lunch for work more often...like every day with a few exceptions like group lunches or special occasions with workplace friends. And so far, I'm good. Keep in mind it's only been three days of really trying, but I applaud myself for the three days just the same. The reasons for both of these goals is simple - I want to quit being an idiot.
In regards to working out more, I realized last week that I am turning 30 this year. Yes, it's true! With this realization, I remembered how people tell it's harder to lose weight and get back in shape as you get older and that you should get a routine or workout mentality the younger you are. As a stereotypical American, I brushed this off in my 20s and worked out when I wanted to (or when I felt fat). As soon as that fat moment left me, I stopped working out. Well, I realized over this last holiday of grubbing that I'm not getting any younger and that I need to really take those words to heart. As a result, I am working out more (day 4 mind you) and really focusing on not being an idiot about my health anymore and relishing in my always skinny body because it really does stick more as the years go on.
Regards to eating at home more and brown-bagging, I'm realizing just in three days how much money I saved and also how much healthier I feel knowing where my food came from. Also, some of the vending machine things I love like pretzels and chips and how buying the big bags for home and packaging them for work everyday saved money and time. I'm going back to basics I followed a few years and really bargain shopping and making myself responsible for grocery budget. On Saturday, I went to two different grocery stores because my favorite foods were on sale at both places. I like to eat what I like to eat so buying substitutes doesn't work for me, but by looking closer at the ads, I found my favorites really cheap and all I had to do was take the time to travel and get them. I really did save a lot of money when I looked at the receipts later. By brown-bagging, I'll have more money to do entertainment activities when friends call instead of saying no because I ate at Panera Bread three days in a row.
These are just two examples of where I want to quit being an idiot and follow God's instruction in regards to healthy living and how to properly spend money. If God gives you the knowledge that something needs to change or that there is a better way of doing something in your life, follow it. Who knows your life better than God? Listen to what he tells you and shows you. Remember that God will use people most often to show you things. Based on the budgeting knowledge I got from a Pastor and him just asking me questions about my spending habits, I was able to see where my money was going. He offered tips on better habits with money, like the grocery shopping tips and brown-bagging suggestion. When I thought about it, it was a big 'duh', but having him point in the right direction really helped. So reach out to others God puts in your path - and he will put people in your path - so that you can be your way from being a simpleton to expert on living your own life.
Proverbs 1:22-23 - How long, you simpletons, will you insist on being simpleminded? How long will you mockers relish your mocking? How long will you fools hate knowledge? Come and listen to my counsel. I'll share my heart with you and make you wise.
My initial title for this blog was "How long?", but based on God's direct to be blunt, I decided on "Quit Being an Idiot". I think that title is appropriate based on the scripture making it plan and calling people simpletons and fools. As Christians, we are told it's foolish to call yourself a believer and not listen to God. It defeats the purpose of having God in your life. If you really want to follow your own instruction, then stop going to church, stopping reading the bible, and write your own. Have your own services starring you, directed by you, and produced by you. And don't forget the original score by you!
This year I have been a stereotypical American because I have made personal goals and promises to myself that I want to follow going into this new year and to date, I'm on track for a few of them. Two things that I didn't mention in the 'Unfinished Business' blog entry are working out more and eating more at home/brown bagging my lunch for work more often...like every day with a few exceptions like group lunches or special occasions with workplace friends. And so far, I'm good. Keep in mind it's only been three days of really trying, but I applaud myself for the three days just the same. The reasons for both of these goals is simple - I want to quit being an idiot.
In regards to working out more, I realized last week that I am turning 30 this year. Yes, it's true! With this realization, I remembered how people tell it's harder to lose weight and get back in shape as you get older and that you should get a routine or workout mentality the younger you are. As a stereotypical American, I brushed this off in my 20s and worked out when I wanted to (or when I felt fat). As soon as that fat moment left me, I stopped working out. Well, I realized over this last holiday of grubbing that I'm not getting any younger and that I need to really take those words to heart. As a result, I am working out more (day 4 mind you) and really focusing on not being an idiot about my health anymore and relishing in my always skinny body because it really does stick more as the years go on.
Regards to eating at home more and brown-bagging, I'm realizing just in three days how much money I saved and also how much healthier I feel knowing where my food came from. Also, some of the vending machine things I love like pretzels and chips and how buying the big bags for home and packaging them for work everyday saved money and time. I'm going back to basics I followed a few years and really bargain shopping and making myself responsible for grocery budget. On Saturday, I went to two different grocery stores because my favorite foods were on sale at both places. I like to eat what I like to eat so buying substitutes doesn't work for me, but by looking closer at the ads, I found my favorites really cheap and all I had to do was take the time to travel and get them. I really did save a lot of money when I looked at the receipts later. By brown-bagging, I'll have more money to do entertainment activities when friends call instead of saying no because I ate at Panera Bread three days in a row.
These are just two examples of where I want to quit being an idiot and follow God's instruction in regards to healthy living and how to properly spend money. If God gives you the knowledge that something needs to change or that there is a better way of doing something in your life, follow it. Who knows your life better than God? Listen to what he tells you and shows you. Remember that God will use people most often to show you things. Based on the budgeting knowledge I got from a Pastor and him just asking me questions about my spending habits, I was able to see where my money was going. He offered tips on better habits with money, like the grocery shopping tips and brown-bagging suggestion. When I thought about it, it was a big 'duh', but having him point in the right direction really helped. So reach out to others God puts in your path - and he will put people in your path - so that you can be your way from being a simpleton to expert on living your own life.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Seven Year Itch
I occurred to me the other day that this month marks my seventh year of living in Akron, OH. Wow! Seven years! Tomorrow is my fifth anniversary with my current company. Wow! Five years! I can't believe I've worked at the same place for five years. Thankfully, I've switched positions twice so I am not doing the same exact work, although some of my projects I've had for a few years too long. I just knew I was going to be one of those switch companies every two years people. I was only at my first real job for two years and I've actually had two position at my current company. And I switched positions after - you guessed it - almost two and a half years. So I guess I'm on track, but going to the same building everyday for this long is a bit of drag even though I like the work that I do and the people I work with. We all have a respect for one another and we laugh a lot which is important to me. I also get to use my signature strength, as it is referred to in the book Hard Optimism. My signature strength is public speaking and I get to do that on an almost weekly basis.
But back to living in Akron for seven years now. If you've never seen the movie or heard of the seven year itch concept, it refer to people who after seven years start to re-evaluate their relationship. If you're married for seven years, for example, you might begin to think about infidelity or just leaving your spouse for the possibility of something better. Nowadays, it seems like in regards to marriage it's more like a three-five year itch! Well, for the past few months, I have had the seven year itch for this city and also my life in it. I wake up at least two mornings per week and ask myself, "what in the hell are we still doing here?" I talked with someone today who plans to move to New Zealand in two years - and their not a New Zealander (if that's the term). I also have a friend who is planning to move down south and working with a head hunter to get employment there. Why don't I set goals for myself like that? Is it lack of motivation or simply I'm not sure where I want to go. I don't want to live in the cities with my family (not because of them - I just don't like the cities). But then I will be the first to say, "I have no family here and that sucks."
So I'm not sure where I belong. I have no clue. All I know is that I've been living the same life here for at least the past three years and some parts of it are not working for me. I love my church and my ministry involvements. Today, I had a Leadership Meeting in the morning and I went bowling with one of my ministries this afternoon. But now what I am doing? I just got home from the Blockbuster and now I'm writing for the next ten or so minutes and then making dinner, watching my movie, and then probably falling asleep on the couch. And sadly, this has been my Saturday or Friday night life for the past few years. If not a movie, maybe a good book. Wow, it's really sad when I type it. SO there - and I can do this anywhere.
It's just lame. And before you suggest it, I don't like want the club or bar life again...maybe just one-two times a year but not as a constant thing! And I do have some nights with my girls, but they are few and far between. Some of my friends are coupled up now and I'm happy for them, but the girls night sometimes end up being the girl night starring me!
I don't know. I'm just restless. So I'm starting this year praying almost daily for God to do something extraordinary in my life. Two years ago I prayed a similar prayer and my life was truly changed for the better. But now, it's time to bump it up a notch and have more and do more. I know it will require a lot of movement on my part, so I have to be prepared for that.
I just do want to get comfortable when really have nothing warm and fluffy and well, truly comfortable to fall back on. So as much as I could rejoice over the fact that I love certain aspects of my life (like my church) and appreciate some of the things I've learned here (like how to drive safely and patiently in crazy Northeast Ohio weather, I need something else to happen to me this year. Anniversaries are usually good things and not to poop on the past seven years, but I think it's time for something different. Lord, please help me figure this out and if it's your will, I'll stay, but if you want me to move, please provide the way. Please keep me in your prayers and let me know what I can pray for for you. Thanks and have a good one!
But back to living in Akron for seven years now. If you've never seen the movie or heard of the seven year itch concept, it refer to people who after seven years start to re-evaluate their relationship. If you're married for seven years, for example, you might begin to think about infidelity or just leaving your spouse for the possibility of something better. Nowadays, it seems like in regards to marriage it's more like a three-five year itch! Well, for the past few months, I have had the seven year itch for this city and also my life in it. I wake up at least two mornings per week and ask myself, "what in the hell are we still doing here?" I talked with someone today who plans to move to New Zealand in two years - and their not a New Zealander (if that's the term). I also have a friend who is planning to move down south and working with a head hunter to get employment there. Why don't I set goals for myself like that? Is it lack of motivation or simply I'm not sure where I want to go. I don't want to live in the cities with my family (not because of them - I just don't like the cities). But then I will be the first to say, "I have no family here and that sucks."
So I'm not sure where I belong. I have no clue. All I know is that I've been living the same life here for at least the past three years and some parts of it are not working for me. I love my church and my ministry involvements. Today, I had a Leadership Meeting in the morning and I went bowling with one of my ministries this afternoon. But now what I am doing? I just got home from the Blockbuster and now I'm writing for the next ten or so minutes and then making dinner, watching my movie, and then probably falling asleep on the couch. And sadly, this has been my Saturday or Friday night life for the past few years. If not a movie, maybe a good book. Wow, it's really sad when I type it. SO there - and I can do this anywhere.
It's just lame. And before you suggest it, I don't like want the club or bar life again...maybe just one-two times a year but not as a constant thing! And I do have some nights with my girls, but they are few and far between. Some of my friends are coupled up now and I'm happy for them, but the girls night sometimes end up being the girl night starring me!
I don't know. I'm just restless. So I'm starting this year praying almost daily for God to do something extraordinary in my life. Two years ago I prayed a similar prayer and my life was truly changed for the better. But now, it's time to bump it up a notch and have more and do more. I know it will require a lot of movement on my part, so I have to be prepared for that.
I just do want to get comfortable when really have nothing warm and fluffy and well, truly comfortable to fall back on. So as much as I could rejoice over the fact that I love certain aspects of my life (like my church) and appreciate some of the things I've learned here (like how to drive safely and patiently in crazy Northeast Ohio weather, I need something else to happen to me this year. Anniversaries are usually good things and not to poop on the past seven years, but I think it's time for something different. Lord, please help me figure this out and if it's your will, I'll stay, but if you want me to move, please provide the way. Please keep me in your prayers and let me know what I can pray for for you. Thanks and have a good one!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Unfinished Business
After getting my graduate degree in Couch Potato over the past four days, today I have to face the world and go back to work. Everyone around me is in the process or just completed writing out goals for themselves for 2010. I think goals are a great idea. After all, you can't always do what you've always done. But I really don't want to write my goals or resolutions because I know my life is different. Instead of having goals, what I have in my life are things I call unfinished business.
You see over the past few years I've set a goal for myself or by the grace of God, discovered some new thing or talent I have and just hopped on that temporarily. So in my case, I have a pile of projects I've started and haven't quite made it to the mountaintop on. So I have unfinished business. Some of these things have to do with my character. Some of them have to do with my talent. Some of them have to do with fattening my pocket. All of them, however, have to do with me getting out of my comfort zone (which I didn't think I had) and do something more with my life.
My list of unfinished business may seem long, but if I truly give myself 12 months to complete them, it won't seem that bad. In fact, if you're trying to focus on more than 10 goals (or unfinished businesses), then, in the words of my friend Gwen, you're doing a lot. Actually, if you split them up by quarter, that may help if you have a lot you want to accomplish.
Character:
- No more swearing! I mean it this year! I want a clean mouth to go along with my cleaner heart. There is another way to say things that will still bring my empathesis and point home. I just have to find it!
- Making more time for friends and family by more trips to Pittsburgh and other locations to see people I need to reconnect with
- Be more honest. 2009 was a big year for me because I began to speak up for myself more at work and other areas. There are a few times I didn't and I can see the difference in how other people began to treat me and how I treated myself . I pray 2010 I can take that to the next level and tell people with candor when I'm bothered or upset by their words and actions.
- Remembering God is watching EVERYTHING that I do
- Writing, Writing, Writing!
- Finishing the book - caring so much about what happens to Alyssa (the main character) that I eat, sleep, and breathe her this year. In fact, I may get a t-shirt printed with the name, Alyssa, on it.
- Blogging more often
- Making money off of this blog (pockets fattening)
- Look for freelance / writing contest opportunities
- Pimp my songs to whoever will listen to them - you never know who people know
One category that is more of a wish list than a goal is my love life. I have some unfinished business there. Mostly, I would like to open a love life business for myself. Last year, I fell into old patterns in regards to love. Things I promised I'd never go for or go through again. Although there was fun and good times and my heart never felt so alive, for reasons I can't go into, it wasn't the genuine article and because of the lack of a real relationship, I wasn't able to fall in love like I would have liked. It hit me last month that I have never been in love with someone who worshipped me. Someone who was just so grateful to be in my presence that they were willing to do anything to stay there. No, I'm not aiming for a Jesus complex. Just the love that I desire and also the love I desire to give someone else (minus the shrine and a cross with their face on it). I know I am able to give unconditional love to a man. I just need to continue with my patience and be willing to receive it.
Well, those are my unfinished business areas. I may add more things to this blog post during the year. I will write these things in more specifics outside of this blog. Because you need to have tasks to go along with your goals. The 'how' of how you will achieve these things. I look forward to learning what you are working on in 2010, so please drop me a line in the Comments. Take care!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Family - Making Memories and Having Great Flashbacks
Hi everyone! Happy New Year! I took a break from blogging during Christmas because I wanted to give my undivided attention to my work deadlines and my family. I had a blast at Christmas. Along with seeing my parents, it was the first time me and my siblings and all of their kids were together in years. We laughed a lot and just created great memories. I wasn't Christian Cleavage...it was aunt, daughter, and sister - roles I sometimes forget about because of my physical distance from my family.
I wish I could play those roles more often, especially the aunt role so that my sister with the two babies can get a break and because my older nieces teach me so much and manage to keep me 'cool'. For example, at Thanksgiving, my 13 year-old niece and mother convinced me to buy a pair of Dereon jean. Now, before you go, 'why did you need to be convinced?' , let me explain. We were at Marshall's and I bought the jeans into the dressing room for my 13 year-old niece from the JUNIORS section. When she tried them on, they were too big. All of a sudden my mother said, "Jen, they may fit you. Try them on." I did and well, the rest is history. Last night, I went to church and brought in the New Year in pants I never would have bought myself, looking like the missing Kardashian sister because I partnered them with black, tall boots because in the words of my sister, I have hips for days! I looked awesome if I do say so myself. Thanks for the great advice.
At Christmas, I got to relive my childhood in more than one way. My sister and brother-in-law had an extra ticket for Disney on Ice. I had never been to one before. When first approached about going, I laughed and that it would lame. Oh, did I eat my words! That was the best experience of my life! OMG! It was so fun and excited. Disney left no stone unturned when it came to Disney characters. Everyone was there! My nieces enjoyed it, especially the 10-month old. She danced throughout most of it and barely took her eyes off stage. My three-year old niece liked it, but in a 'watching it as if it was on TV' kind of way. She was more into it when Donald Duck was on and when my brother-in-law got her a tub of popcorn. He was jammin too and my sister almost lost it when Tinkerbell ended the show.
Being there with them also reminded me of childhood for another reason. When my sister was a teenager, she'd have to take me out with her on some of her dates because she was also my babysitter. Since I am from the dying age of 'child being seen and not heard', I'd go and basically be a fly on the way. Her dates never seemed to might (at least they did express it to me) and they were always really nice. My sister at times would try to include me in the conversation and her dates attempted too. I remember sitting in the back of the car and just listening and sometimes laughing as they talked. She would even look back at me occasionally to make sure I was ok. The night of Disney on Ice I sat in the back of their SUV in the middle of the girls as my brother-in-law drove and sis rode shotgun. As we drove home, I had this memory of being the third wheel on her dates and how sitting in the back that night felt so familiar. Only my sister wasn't on a date, she was in her real life. Instead of bobbing her head to the radio station, Wamo, in the car, she was listening to 99.9 and making small talk with her husband not boyfriend. She peaked her head back several times to check on her children. When I looked to the left and right of me in that backseat, I saw my sister's nose, smile, eyes, and a few of her characteristics. It was one of the few moments in my single life where I didn't mind not having a family of my own because it would have meant missing out on seeing for myself how God can turn a great older sister into a great mom. I also thought maybe, just maybe I was her practice child and there was a method to God's madness of her being my older sister and having to be responsible for me all of those years.
Overall, it was a great holiday. I got great presents and I was in the presence of great people who looked like me, sounded like me, and had the biggest hand in making me me! I hope the new year brings more family memories.
I wish I could play those roles more often, especially the aunt role so that my sister with the two babies can get a break and because my older nieces teach me so much and manage to keep me 'cool'. For example, at Thanksgiving, my 13 year-old niece and mother convinced me to buy a pair of Dereon jean. Now, before you go, 'why did you need to be convinced?' , let me explain. We were at Marshall's and I bought the jeans into the dressing room for my 13 year-old niece from the JUNIORS section. When she tried them on, they were too big. All of a sudden my mother said, "Jen, they may fit you. Try them on." I did and well, the rest is history. Last night, I went to church and brought in the New Year in pants I never would have bought myself, looking like the missing Kardashian sister because I partnered them with black, tall boots because in the words of my sister, I have hips for days! I looked awesome if I do say so myself. Thanks for the great advice.
At Christmas, I got to relive my childhood in more than one way. My sister and brother-in-law had an extra ticket for Disney on Ice. I had never been to one before. When first approached about going, I laughed and that it would lame. Oh, did I eat my words! That was the best experience of my life! OMG! It was so fun and excited. Disney left no stone unturned when it came to Disney characters. Everyone was there! My nieces enjoyed it, especially the 10-month old. She danced throughout most of it and barely took her eyes off stage. My three-year old niece liked it, but in a 'watching it as if it was on TV' kind of way. She was more into it when Donald Duck was on and when my brother-in-law got her a tub of popcorn. He was jammin too and my sister almost lost it when Tinkerbell ended the show.
Being there with them also reminded me of childhood for another reason. When my sister was a teenager, she'd have to take me out with her on some of her dates because she was also my babysitter. Since I am from the dying age of 'child being seen and not heard', I'd go and basically be a fly on the way. Her dates never seemed to might (at least they did express it to me) and they were always really nice. My sister at times would try to include me in the conversation and her dates attempted too. I remember sitting in the back of the car and just listening and sometimes laughing as they talked. She would even look back at me occasionally to make sure I was ok. The night of Disney on Ice I sat in the back of their SUV in the middle of the girls as my brother-in-law drove and sis rode shotgun. As we drove home, I had this memory of being the third wheel on her dates and how sitting in the back that night felt so familiar. Only my sister wasn't on a date, she was in her real life. Instead of bobbing her head to the radio station, Wamo, in the car, she was listening to 99.9 and making small talk with her husband not boyfriend. She peaked her head back several times to check on her children. When I looked to the left and right of me in that backseat, I saw my sister's nose, smile, eyes, and a few of her characteristics. It was one of the few moments in my single life where I didn't mind not having a family of my own because it would have meant missing out on seeing for myself how God can turn a great older sister into a great mom. I also thought maybe, just maybe I was her practice child and there was a method to God's madness of her being my older sister and having to be responsible for me all of those years.
Overall, it was a great holiday. I got great presents and I was in the presence of great people who looked like me, sounded like me, and had the biggest hand in making me me! I hope the new year brings more family memories.
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