I Feel Like It's Just Me - Following God's Commands

I made a sad realization last week. Not sad, sad, but more of a good news-bad news realization. The good news is that I'm almost done reading my One Year Bible. Yeah! The bad-sad news is that although I am understand God's word more, I'm missing the application part. In other words, I don't think I've done much with God's word this year but read it. I know what you're thinking, especially the people that regularly read my blog. Those people tell me I am too hard on myself and that I need to give myself credit for small victories. And this is true. However, lately, my application and understanding don't seem to match.

In my defense, it's hard to follow God's command. Some days it seems outright impossible. Think about it. I remember reading in Romans about sexual desires and lust and how you need to control your thoughts so you don't act out on them. Okay, that's all good...until you see an attractive person in a mall that even days later you can't get out of your mind. Or if you see a hot sex scene on tv that either takes you back to a time in your life when you had hot sex or makes you desire a sexual experience you've never had. Also, the various passages about greed. Mostly, they refer to money, but what about greed when it comes to eating. I'll admit I'm a 'eat the last cookie in the cookie jar' girl or 'let's see how much of this medium pizza I can eat by myself' girl. And don't get me to talking about greed with my own time. You know those nights you don't answer the phone even when the person's name on the caller ID brings up good feelings and memories. Or a resume you've had for weeks that you are procrastinating because you realized after you took the resume how much you hate doing resumes and also that you have no clue how the resume game has changed (sorry April - you'll get something before the new year). My favorite activity of the month has been zoning off into space. It reminds me of when I see babies not touching or playing with anything and then they suddenly laughing for no reason at all. Zoning out is my miscellaneous baby laugh.

On Wednesdays, I figure a scripture that I agree with. Well, this Wednesday I wanted to use scriptures that has been convicting me even seen I read them weeks ago.
Psalm 119:18 - Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions.
Psalm 119:73 - You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow your commands.

Actually, haunting me would be a better way to describe how these scriptures have affected my life. Upon first reading them, I wondered why they were even in the bible, especially since a big thing I hear in the church is that God doesn't always tell you the 'why' when he gives us direction or speaks to you. But I think these scriptures, especially the first one, indicate that he doesn't want us to just follow him blind. The 'wonderful truths' and 'sense' are him wanting us to understanding why he feels a certain way about a subject or situation. When you read it carefully, the bible gives explanations as to why things like virginity and the Sabbath (just to name a few) should be treasured and why things like having sex with relatives and barnyard animals are wrong. But even with it's explanation, I'm still haunted. I'm still confused and I'm still wanting to dance to the beat of my own drum on certain matters.

My constant prayer since they've entered my life is that I can follow God's commands. I pray that as begin to understand the 'wonderful truths', I can live out God's commands. Let me know your thoughts on these scriptures and how you're doing as far as following God's commands. Sorry for the week long absence from writing. I felt that if I wasn't living by the commans I didn't deserve to write about them. I know that's not what God wants so forgive me for not sharing every part of the journey.