I, Christian Cleavage/JRE, stayed home from church today. I know. I know. THE SHAME! This blog is about my relationship with God and one of my foundations of our relationship is going to church and worshipping with other believers and today....well, it didn't happen. I can't even blame sickness for my M.I.A. from church. After a busy weekend, I was tired and couldn't find the energy to go.
For those of you who don't go to church and normally stay home on Sunday, let me paint you a picture of how it feels for a regular attendee, like myself, to purposely miss church. Staying home from church reminds me of:
1) Faking sick to your parents to stay home from school because you had a test you didn't study for
2) Calling off from your job and making sure that you fake cough at least twice and channel your inner Dionne Warwick to get just the right 'sick voice' so that he/she won't need a medical excuse
AND THE BEST AND WORST WAY TO DESCRIBE IT:
3) The scene in Risky Business where Tom Cruise slides across the floor in his underwear and sock and does the world's most famous happy dance because he's got the house to himself and he's a couple scenes away from having sex on a subway.
Now, before you go anointing oiling me down. The only reason I danced like Tom (in my head) was because I was tired and it was nice not to have to wake up early. Instead of having to wake up and go to church hungry and not eat until the ungodly hour of 1pmish, I got to wake at my leisure, take a long, hot shower and deep condition my hair, and make a big breakfast with a slide of Dunkin Donuts home coffee. Yum! Today, I had church Ray Charles style. If you saw Ray, there was a scene where he was reading the bible in a hotel room with gospel music in the background..and he told the Record Exec he was 'havin church'. Minus the music, tonight I did the same thing.
I smile as I type all of this because on a resting tip, today was a beautiful day. Did I miss my friends? Yes. Did I miss the music and worship? Of course. Will I look forward to the people in my life who do everything but put up Missing Posters because they did see me today and will not see me next week because I'll be out of town with family? Yes, I look forward to that. I used to hate it, but as I get older, I realize how important it is to be missed and thought about then not even mentioned. But since I know me and I know how many times I've attended church tired or hungry, I know that today is not the end all, be all of my Christian journey. Some believers think it is and may be there's right. But if God really loves a cheerful giver and appreciate genuine praise, then mine would not have satisfied him and therefore, I think I can rest tonight for missing a day.
I pray that this holiday isn't driving you crazy and that you remember what this time is really about.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I Feel Like It's Just Me - Following God's Commands
I made a sad realization last week. Not sad, sad, but more of a good news-bad news realization. The good news is that I'm almost done reading my One Year Bible. Yeah! The bad-sad news is that although I am understand God's word more, I'm missing the application part. In other words, I don't think I've done much with God's word this year but read it. I know what you're thinking, especially the people that regularly read my blog. Those people tell me I am too hard on myself and that I need to give myself credit for small victories. And this is true. However, lately, my application and understanding don't seem to match.
In my defense, it's hard to follow God's command. Some days it seems outright impossible. Think about it. I remember reading in Romans about sexual desires and lust and how you need to control your thoughts so you don't act out on them. Okay, that's all good...until you see an attractive person in a mall that even days later you can't get out of your mind. Or if you see a hot sex scene on tv that either takes you back to a time in your life when you had hot sex or makes you desire a sexual experience you've never had. Also, the various passages about greed. Mostly, they refer to money, but what about greed when it comes to eating. I'll admit I'm a 'eat the last cookie in the cookie jar' girl or 'let's see how much of this medium pizza I can eat by myself' girl. And don't get me to talking about greed with my own time. You know those nights you don't answer the phone even when the person's name on the caller ID brings up good feelings and memories. Or a resume you've had for weeks that you are procrastinating because you realized after you took the resume how much you hate doing resumes and also that you have no clue how the resume game has changed (sorry April - you'll get something before the new year). My favorite activity of the month has been zoning off into space. It reminds me of when I see babies not touching or playing with anything and then they suddenly laughing for no reason at all. Zoning out is my miscellaneous baby laugh.
On Wednesdays, I figure a scripture that I agree with. Well, this Wednesday I wanted to use scriptures that has been convicting me even seen I read them weeks ago.
Psalm 119:18 - Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions.
Psalm 119:73 - You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow your commands.
Actually, haunting me would be a better way to describe how these scriptures have affected my life. Upon first reading them, I wondered why they were even in the bible, especially since a big thing I hear in the church is that God doesn't always tell you the 'why' when he gives us direction or speaks to you. But I think these scriptures, especially the first one, indicate that he doesn't want us to just follow him blind. The 'wonderful truths' and 'sense' are him wanting us to understanding why he feels a certain way about a subject or situation. When you read it carefully, the bible gives explanations as to why things like virginity and the Sabbath (just to name a few) should be treasured and why things like having sex with relatives and barnyard animals are wrong. But even with it's explanation, I'm still haunted. I'm still confused and I'm still wanting to dance to the beat of my own drum on certain matters.
My constant prayer since they've entered my life is that I can follow God's commands. I pray that as begin to understand the 'wonderful truths', I can live out God's commands. Let me know your thoughts on these scriptures and how you're doing as far as following God's commands. Sorry for the week long absence from writing. I felt that if I wasn't living by the commans I didn't deserve to write about them. I know that's not what God wants so forgive me for not sharing every part of the journey.
In my defense, it's hard to follow God's command. Some days it seems outright impossible. Think about it. I remember reading in Romans about sexual desires and lust and how you need to control your thoughts so you don't act out on them. Okay, that's all good...until you see an attractive person in a mall that even days later you can't get out of your mind. Or if you see a hot sex scene on tv that either takes you back to a time in your life when you had hot sex or makes you desire a sexual experience you've never had. Also, the various passages about greed. Mostly, they refer to money, but what about greed when it comes to eating. I'll admit I'm a 'eat the last cookie in the cookie jar' girl or 'let's see how much of this medium pizza I can eat by myself' girl. And don't get me to talking about greed with my own time. You know those nights you don't answer the phone even when the person's name on the caller ID brings up good feelings and memories. Or a resume you've had for weeks that you are procrastinating because you realized after you took the resume how much you hate doing resumes and also that you have no clue how the resume game has changed (sorry April - you'll get something before the new year). My favorite activity of the month has been zoning off into space. It reminds me of when I see babies not touching or playing with anything and then they suddenly laughing for no reason at all. Zoning out is my miscellaneous baby laugh.
On Wednesdays, I figure a scripture that I agree with. Well, this Wednesday I wanted to use scriptures that has been convicting me even seen I read them weeks ago.
Psalm 119:18 - Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions.
Psalm 119:73 - You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow your commands.
Actually, haunting me would be a better way to describe how these scriptures have affected my life. Upon first reading them, I wondered why they were even in the bible, especially since a big thing I hear in the church is that God doesn't always tell you the 'why' when he gives us direction or speaks to you. But I think these scriptures, especially the first one, indicate that he doesn't want us to just follow him blind. The 'wonderful truths' and 'sense' are him wanting us to understanding why he feels a certain way about a subject or situation. When you read it carefully, the bible gives explanations as to why things like virginity and the Sabbath (just to name a few) should be treasured and why things like having sex with relatives and barnyard animals are wrong. But even with it's explanation, I'm still haunted. I'm still confused and I'm still wanting to dance to the beat of my own drum on certain matters.
My constant prayer since they've entered my life is that I can follow God's commands. I pray that as begin to understand the 'wonderful truths', I can live out God's commands. Let me know your thoughts on these scriptures and how you're doing as far as following God's commands. Sorry for the week long absence from writing. I felt that if I wasn't living by the commans I didn't deserve to write about them. I know that's not what God wants so forgive me for not sharing every part of the journey.
Monday, December 7, 2009
I'm Sober...Oh So Sober
Just getting home from work, I have a unique wish. I wish I were one of those people who drinks wine. Not one of those know-it-all wine drinkers or an alcoholic wine drinker, but just a regular person who comes home to a single glass of wine to relax. I don't drink and even for one day I can't really allow myself to become a wine drinker because well, I'm not a big fan of wine. Instead of wine, I'll be in the sober corner with my coffee, day old popcorn, and Raisinets.
In the title, I write that I'm sober, but not just in the non-alcoholic sense. If you're a Christian, maybe you can relate to the type of day/time in my life that I'm having. When I say I'm sober, I mean that I've woken up and remembered today very clearly who I'm living for. Lately, I've had several days and moments where I forget that my life is not my life. It's God. I have to live out the purpose he has for me, not the one I really want to give myself. I'm sober today because it hit me that the things that are making me happy aren't what makes God happy. I'm sober now and realize that although I can write the book on my own life, it doesn't mean that things will turn out the way I wrote them in the book. Instead, God can publish his version of my book and depending on how I act, it can either be a best seller or on the bargain table as soon as it hits the stores.
Although I'll thank him tomorrow, I don't like being this sober. God is not a God of confusion, so being sober is necessary and with it, I am no longer confused. I know what I have to do. It means things in my life have to change and they are going to be painful changes. These changes are going to change the way that I think and feel. They're going to change my smile. In fact, I may not smile for a few days when the change occurs. But I'll make God happy and isn't that what this Christian journey is all about.
In the title, I write that I'm sober, but not just in the non-alcoholic sense. If you're a Christian, maybe you can relate to the type of day/time in my life that I'm having. When I say I'm sober, I mean that I've woken up and remembered today very clearly who I'm living for. Lately, I've had several days and moments where I forget that my life is not my life. It's God. I have to live out the purpose he has for me, not the one I really want to give myself. I'm sober today because it hit me that the things that are making me happy aren't what makes God happy. I'm sober now and realize that although I can write the book on my own life, it doesn't mean that things will turn out the way I wrote them in the book. Instead, God can publish his version of my book and depending on how I act, it can either be a best seller or on the bargain table as soon as it hits the stores.
Although I'll thank him tomorrow, I don't like being this sober. God is not a God of confusion, so being sober is necessary and with it, I am no longer confused. I know what I have to do. It means things in my life have to change and they are going to be painful changes. These changes are going to change the way that I think and feel. They're going to change my smile. In fact, I may not smile for a few days when the change occurs. But I'll make God happy and isn't that what this Christian journey is all about.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Field Trip!
Today, I got to relive one of the best elements of childhood....I went on a field trip! At my church, I'm a member of a Sunday School class called Creative Class. The name and ministry is based on the book Creative Call by Janice Elmsheimer. The book discusses how important it is to use the creative gifts God gives you and that if you once did something like write or draw, you should begin to do it again because you're wasting your talent by not doing it. I'm blessed to be in a class with very creative people that do things like, writing, drawing, painting, sculpting, tennis instructors, jewelry makers, musicians, organizers, business professionals, photographers, graphic designers, videographers, and other bloggers just to name a few. Well today, we decided to take our class out of the classroom. All of us went to the 8 a.m. service and then went out for breakfast together and then the Akron Art Museum. The Akron Art Museum is free on the first Sunday of the month, so it was a perfect opportunity for people like me to see it for the first time.
It is always nice to see people out of the church setting because you can see them with their hair down and having fun. The most touching thing about the trip was the featured exhibit by an artist named Chuck Close. He is famous for painting and designing photo-like portraits of people. The thing that fascinated me the most about him was the fact that he had some many obstacles to overcome like being paralyzing and various learning disabilities. I love the fact that he didn't treat those things as obstacles. He knew who he was and that was an artist and that as long as he had that, he could make it through anything. I've often prayed to God for something that no matter what happened to me could help get me through anything. Something to do that would get me up in the morning. Something to keep me strong and hardworking. God often answers that prayer by putting me in positions where I can use my gifts of writing or public speaking so that I do have a reason breathing in and out everyday.
Another fun aspect of the museum is the arts and crafts opportunities that they often on the first Sunday. Today for the first time ever, I made a gingerbread house. I normally try to stay away from anything that involves me using my hands in a crafty way, but of course, on field trip today, anything goes. I made what started off as a gingerbread house and ended up being a Reindeer 'dog' gingerbread house (thanks Jacqui for the name) because it fell a few times. When it fell for the last time, all I could say was, 'I'll stick to writing.' Although I said that jokingly, the activity really confirmed for me how lost I can be having to create with anything that isn't a pen or paper or computer or even the keypad on my cellphone. But I had fun and with a group like my class that's all that matters. I haven't thanked God for my Creative Call class in a way, so let me publicly do it now. Creative Call, thank you so much for being in my life and blessing me with your friendships, love, support, and your creativity. I love you guys.
As I promised on the field trip, here are pictures of my Reindeer 'dog' gingerbread house.
It is always nice to see people out of the church setting because you can see them with their hair down and having fun. The most touching thing about the trip was the featured exhibit by an artist named Chuck Close. He is famous for painting and designing photo-like portraits of people. The thing that fascinated me the most about him was the fact that he had some many obstacles to overcome like being paralyzing and various learning disabilities. I love the fact that he didn't treat those things as obstacles. He knew who he was and that was an artist and that as long as he had that, he could make it through anything. I've often prayed to God for something that no matter what happened to me could help get me through anything. Something to do that would get me up in the morning. Something to keep me strong and hardworking. God often answers that prayer by putting me in positions where I can use my gifts of writing or public speaking so that I do have a reason breathing in and out everyday.
Another fun aspect of the museum is the arts and crafts opportunities that they often on the first Sunday. Today for the first time ever, I made a gingerbread house. I normally try to stay away from anything that involves me using my hands in a crafty way, but of course, on field trip today, anything goes. I made what started off as a gingerbread house and ended up being a Reindeer 'dog' gingerbread house (thanks Jacqui for the name) because it fell a few times. When it fell for the last time, all I could say was, 'I'll stick to writing.' Although I said that jokingly, the activity really confirmed for me how lost I can be having to create with anything that isn't a pen or paper or computer or even the keypad on my cellphone. But I had fun and with a group like my class that's all that matters. I haven't thanked God for my Creative Call class in a way, so let me publicly do it now. Creative Call, thank you so much for being in my life and blessing me with your friendships, love, support, and your creativity. I love you guys.
As I promised on the field trip, here are pictures of my Reindeer 'dog' gingerbread house.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
You Know Better
Whenever I get to sections of the bible where it seems to repeat itself, I think my childhood. I remember how it seemed that my parents would say the same things over and over again. 'Don't do this'...'don't forget to do that'...and my favorite, 'now, you know better than that.'
In my past few bible reads, I keep getting the same message, You Know Better, through a few scriptures I've seen. The scripture that sticks out for today is James 4:17 - Remember, it is a sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it. Pretty common sense, right? Even Spike Lee knew to do the right thing. So why can't we get this right? Better yet, why can't I get it right?
There are situations that have recently occurred where I knew the right thing to do and didn't do it. It wasn't anything Earth-shattering or Lifetime movie/Snapped worthy or anything where my 'Christian card' should be taken away from me. Sometimes it's those little decisions throughout the day that can really show us who we are. I know within the past month I have no always done the right thing.
I can use every Christian excuse in the book if I wanted to. For example, I could say:
Ultimately, God wants us to know and do better because we are better people than we think of ourselves sometimes. When I was in the world and not treating my body as I temple, it took someone who misused my body to tell me that I was more than what was between my legs and the breasts on my chest and the long hair on my head and the skinny statue that I was. That guy was trying to tell me that I am worth more. God wants us to be worth more. I always thought it was strange when the bible would have the word, remember, at the beginning of the sentence. I mean aren't we supposed to remember the whole bible?! After reading this verse, I get it. The word is thrown in there because even God knew we would have to remember to 'remember' who our lives are really for and that the poor decisions we make ignorant and foolish and well, like we don't know any better.
In my past few bible reads, I keep getting the same message, You Know Better, through a few scriptures I've seen. The scripture that sticks out for today is James 4:17 - Remember, it is a sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it. Pretty common sense, right? Even Spike Lee knew to do the right thing. So why can't we get this right? Better yet, why can't I get it right?
There are situations that have recently occurred where I knew the right thing to do and didn't do it. It wasn't anything Earth-shattering or Lifetime movie/Snapped worthy or anything where my 'Christian card' should be taken away from me. Sometimes it's those little decisions throughout the day that can really show us who we are. I know within the past month I have no always done the right thing.
I can use every Christian excuse in the book if I wanted to. For example, I could say:
- I haven't been reading my word on a daily, so I don't feel my closeness with God, so I felt it was Ok to ask like I never knew him.
- I just sinned this time. Does it really matter?
- I paid my tithes. Does it really matter?
- I didn't go to church on Sunday, so shouldn't I have a 'get out of knowing Jesus-free week'.
- In my defense, the bible is a huge book with a lot of things to remember. There's no way I can obey all of your commands.
Ultimately, God wants us to know and do better because we are better people than we think of ourselves sometimes. When I was in the world and not treating my body as I temple, it took someone who misused my body to tell me that I was more than what was between my legs and the breasts on my chest and the long hair on my head and the skinny statue that I was. That guy was trying to tell me that I am worth more. God wants us to be worth more. I always thought it was strange when the bible would have the word, remember, at the beginning of the sentence. I mean aren't we supposed to remember the whole bible?! After reading this verse, I get it. The word is thrown in there because even God knew we would have to remember to 'remember' who our lives are really for and that the poor decisions we make ignorant and foolish and well, like we don't know any better.
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