What's a Comfort Zone?

On this November's eve, I wanted to take time to thank God for three amazing opportunities that I had in October. Without planning it, this month really took me out of my comfort zone of "coulda, shoulda, woulda, but didn't" and I actually put some internal thoughts into action.

First up is the wonder single's retreat I went on during the third weekend of the month. This is something that I honestly forgot about until my close friend reminded me of it the week before. The sad part is I told her about it a few months ago. This retreat was hosted by another local church and a co-worker told me about it. Apparently, this church has a great single's ministry that I've heard about for years, but never took myself to anything they. The only thing I forgot is this church has two single's ministries; one for people in their 20s and 30s and one for 40s and above. Guess the retreat we signed up for? You got it! One that Dorothy's Zbornak, Rose Nylund, and Blanch Devereau would have attended if they were Christian and practicing celibacy. With all of that aside, we had a wonderful time. We met really nice people. During the weekend, we sang songs, did crafts, watched a bonfire, and attended workshops. I'm glad I didn't realize what I said up for because I would have judged it and not gone.

My second activity made me deal with an allergy I have. I'm allergic to cooking. Ask anyone. I would rather eat out and get every meal out of a paper bag than make it myself. That's not to say I can't cook. I just choose not to. But I realize this mindset has to change, so as a birthday gift to myself I signed up for a cooking class. The class was called Culinary Basics and it lasted five hours. I told this class last Sunday, October 23rd. What did I make, you ask? We made chicken stock, homemade vegetable soup, sauteed chicken breast stuffed with fresh herbs and mozzarella, asian-marinated grilled fish, basmati rice pilaf, green beans with caramelized shallot vinaigrette, and individual chocolate souffles. Can you say yum? Now, before you pat my back too hard, I have to admit we worked in groups of four for every dish, so it wasn't totally solo act. We all worked really well together and everything was delicious. The instructor was nice and supportive and answered all of our too lazy to find out for ourselves cooking questions. It was an amazing experience.

My final October activity is something I told no one about. Yesterday, I took an improvisation workshop at a theater in Cleveland. It was taught by a lady that teaches at Second City in Chicago. Just in case you don't know, Second City is responsible for such comedians as Tina Fey, Steve Carrell, and Stephen Colbert just to name a few. It was awesome and the best part is that I got to participate in the activities, including one improv scene. I got an amazing response from everyone and I really enjoyed it. Being in a corporate trainer, I talk in front of people all the time and constantly answer questions on my feet, so it was good to think on my feet for fun and use a little profanity in the process without feeling like the worst person alive. In January, the theater will have level one classes, so pray my time and my money hold up and I can continue this activity.

The best part of each activity is that I didn't have to be a certain size, age, color, gender, or anything. Each activity was filled with different ages and walks of live. Before I did the last two activities, I asked God, "are you sure?" God put these desires in my heart for a reason and I just had to be willing to search them out. I learned this month that a desire doesn't have to stay a desire and if you're not careful, you wake up from a dream and not remember anything about it. Have a dream and desire will only get you so far. It's about stepping out of your comfort zone and doing those things you've always wanted to do.

An Age in Review - Part Two

I did what I wanted to do while I was 30. I prayed over major decisions like, "should I spend most of my income tax on one of my credit card bills?" And, "should I go to California for vacation? And if so, can you please make a way for a friend to go with me?" (Thanks Melissa!) But really, this year was all about me and what I wanted. I practiced spending, gluttony, and selfishness and it felt great! I spent money on clothes and ate out a lot! I also spent money I did not have by way of going back to school for my masters. (Thanks gov't!) Gluttony can be seen in my lack of a six-pack and settled in back fat. My selfishness, however, was not all in vain. This year I was able to do more for friends and family than in years past. Also, since I didn't entirely leave God, tithes are always paid and I contributed to special offerings when I could.

The real reason it took so long for a part two was because of the realization that I have left things that once held meaning to me. My Sunday School class, other church activities, songwriting, and my writing career as a whole. This year I walked away from what I thought was my purpose. Mainly because there is something people don't tell you about your purpose: that's a lot of work! Especially if you are a writer. It's a very solitary thing to do and if you thrive on people like I do, it can feel more like a punishment than a fulfilling task. And that's what it felt like. I have no connections. No one to be beside me when I do my craft. I have no one to help me with the songwriting. My one connection left town and when he left, so did my interest. Songwriting was something that honestly came out of no where and I only started because I liked a boy and didn't know how to tell him.

So to recap, my year without purpose has comprised of eating, vacationing, lots of television watching, sleeping, and ignoring the phone calls of people that are a) living their purpose and b) will make me face that I am not living mine. This is the first year that being a grown up felt overwhelming yet fun. This is the first year I saw my body change and didn't (and still haven't) immediately done anything to stop it. This year of 30 was the first year in years that I felt smart again because of school. I liked being the student that people admired and also the one that stood out because like a crazy person, is studying something I have no background or idea about. And the non-purpose living me wants to drop out soooo bad! However, after this semester, I will be half way done and so it makes no sense to give up. It actually makes no sense to give up on anything I want to do.

I have decided to put no expectations on 31. I hope that whatever non-purpose funk I've been in will grow up and get the heck out of my body!