An Age in Review - Part One

Monday, September 5th was my birthday. I turned 31 on that day at exactly 2:27 p.m. This year's birthday celebration was different than the past few years. I was (and still am) sick and was alone most of the day. Secretly, I wanted that. I wanted to peace and quiet. Really, just peace, which I'm still working on. The quiet was nice, but with cable, how quiet can it really get! Although I didn't blog a lot this year, most of my blogs had one major theme: being 30. 30 is a magical age where you enter a new decade and deal with society's and your own expectations of yourself. 30 was in some ways the best thing that could have happened to me and in other ways, I curse its existence. So, instead of having just a plain old year in review, I want to review myself at 30 in this entry. I want to take a honest look at myself while it is still fresh and while I still remember.

I don't bring up past blog entries, but if you read those, you will read how my thinking changed at 30. In fact, I blamed so many of my decisions on the age that taking accountability without it was not an option. I blamed my metabolism problems on 30, when really I like to eat and I like to eat a lot. Since my financial situation changed drastically on the positive side this past year, I have been able to dine out more and spurge on the foods I like and not just the ones I'll settle for. However, the foods I like the most are not the healthiest and what my new found fortune also brought me was back fat and the beginning stages of a muffin top. I say "beginning" only depending on what pants I'm wearing. Today, my dress pants are not tight and loose, so no muffin top when I sit!

30 also brought out that fact that some of my goals were not accomplished. This I do not blame on 30. I blame laziness and a fear of success I never realized I had. I knew about my fear of being rejected by people like family, friends, and men I want to date. The fear of your deepest desires and dreams being rejected scars me more. When you pour your life into something, people being critics and not seeing the passion can scar you. I know that 31 will have to bring out the guts in me, even if that means literally wearing big girl panties every day so that I can be confident in my abilities, then I may have to do that.

One dream fulfilled was FINALLY going to California. I went to San Francisco in July and had a blast. It was the sunny California most people dreamed of, but really it was my dream. My dream California experience consisted of walking a lot, not being too hot to concentrate, seeing national landmarks, and being completely surrounded by diversity. I can count on two hands the number of white Americans I met when I was there. Most people had accents I did recognize and I loved it. The crowds had moments of overwhelming, but really, it felt good to be a tourist with other tourists. It made my want and desire to be there fell legitimate and necessary for not just me. My dream vacation was fulfilled. Now, the next California experience I would to be sunny, just to compare and contrast.

With the change in income, 30 brought out my inner glam girl in more than one way. First, I began experimenting with my hair as soon as the 2011 began. I chose my hair dresser because I knew she would get me out of my hair box in a way that was stylish and also with a touch of patience. I haven't had the same haircut twice this year and it's been great. I haven't been able to fit my hair into a real ponytail all year and since I am over the age of 18, that's great (my hair dresser's words, not mine for those offended). I'm also a red head now, which I never thought I'd be. I always wanted to be a brunette. Once she made me one, I realized that it was unnoticable and had to go to another color. My hair in review I would definitely give five out of five stars to. It also made me look younger, which I never thought I would, but I love.

There are other things I need to tell you about me at 30, but I have to get back to the grind. This is only the start. Being the focus of my blog, I have to put into words 30 and my christianity. I'm actually still unsure how to describe. Just know for now that the "being all God has called me to be" segment might surprise you, just as it did the 30 year old me.