Dirty 30 - Honorable Mentions

Thanks to everyone who read my last post about my journey through 30! When I'm writing a blog post, I'm so excited to hit "Publiish Post" that sometimes I forget big chunks of what I want to saw. The thing I listed last week where probably the most impactful thoughts/events so far, but I've compiled a list of honorable mentions. I try not to play the blame game in other areas of my life, but I'm enjoying this. So here are more things that I blame on turning 30:

• The movies I tend to see or want to see at the movie theater are movies that will most likely be nominated for a Golden Globe or Oscar vs my former playlist of movies that typically play repeatedly on FX or Comedy Central.
• I do not understand the meaning of Michael Jackson's Wanna Be Startin Something. Between his baby having a breakdown and crying, stealing, and lying, I just don't get it. That's not to say I don't shake it a little when it comes on my I-Pod. And I really don't get calling someone a vegetable. My fav line at the end is "if you can't feed your baby, then don't have a baby." I didn't realize Michael was a spokesperson for Planned Parenthood, but you learn something new everyday, accept the meaning of this song.
• The desire to now only have one child versus three or four like I used to.
• The sad reality that I can't eat like a 15 year old anymore. Even with working out two-three days a week, I can't get rid of the pouch in my stomach. This is same pouch that comes when I get my period, only my period doesn't come in 30 day increments so yes, it's officially all me!
• I officially have back fat as well.
• Noticing a gray hair the week after I turned 30.
• Being carded at World Market the week of Christmas. Ok, not blaming anything but good genes on that one!
• Wanting to give all of my nieces a dollar for Christmas and telling them to spend it wisely.
• Being annoyed by my new touchscreen cell phone. First of all, my touchscreen doesn't like my touch. I've only had luck with pencil erasers. I did not mind having a thousand real buttons on my cell phone. At least I knew they work and liked my touch.
• My patience is getting better when people ask me questions at work. I think is because my memory is starting to suck so I have no choice but to listen more carefully to every request and read every line of an email.
• Audio books and NPR have become my best friend (in life and in my car).
• I realize that I never want to stop having the inquisitive mind of a little sister.
• My desire to study meditation. WHICH IS EXPENSIVE BY THE WAY!! One meditation package (which I don't remember how many classes it came with) was $400. Another was $275. The cheapest package I found in my area was $65. Not to be a meditation snob, why only $65? Especially since I know what they could be charging. Anyway, this desire won't go away. I got a DVD from the library that had guided meditiation on it. The first time I tried it I almost fell asleep. The second time I couldn't get comfor3table. I was way too aware of my body. Therefore, I think like other things in life, I think if I pay for it I will have no choice to pay attention and try harded. I just want peace really. Peace with my life and my decisions and with who I am.

The final thing is wanting something in my life to change. Something big. I want a blessing that only God could provide. I know as Christians we pray something similar almost everyday, but really, God, I'm 30 and I need you to show up. He knows my true life and career desires. Please make a way. Thanks for reading and have a good one.

I Blame 30...

Happy New Year all! I hope everyone had a great holiday. Mine was wonderful. With the new year brings new thoughts, goals, and dreams. Last year, I turned 30 (thank you God). Although I'm only four months into my 30, various things have happened to me that make me wonder if these things or observations have only occurred because of my new age. To start the new year right and blogging again, I wanted to share the list of things/thoughts/events of my life that blame on turning 30. Please note that blame does not mean that these things are bad. Some of these things are good things that I blame and thank 30 for. I'm not going to categorize the list into bad and good. I'll let you determine by my tone and if you know me, just knowing me, you'll be able to tell if it is a positive or negative blame.

1. Last year, I had the goal of caring more about my personal appearance. I also realized last year that I could financially now afford to buy more things for myself, like clothing, nail polish, pedicures/manicures, more hair appointments, shoes, etc. So I did. My most amusing purchase was the wig that I bought for my 30th birthday dinner. I don't do weave or hair extensions of any sort, so the wig was a shocker. And yes, I wore it to work and church and got lots of looks. For my birthday and beyond, I wanted to be glamorous and that helped. I do, however, need to calm the spending. I'm turning into one of those women who hasn't met a store that she didn't like and want to go into. Never thought I'd be that woman, but my 30s is making me. Oh darn!
2. Last week, I bought my first push-up bra. If you know me, you know that I am equip already in that area. But my new friend 30 has made me realize that like Starbucks and Wal-Mart, I have to keep up with the competition and to do so, instead of rolling back I have to pull some things up starting with my breasts. I'd never imagined buying a push-up bra. The women that have admired them and the men that used to enjoy them probably never thought I'd need one. But with 30 years comes the shift of time and apparently weight. I felt silly trying it on in a dressing room of the most known underwear store. But when I looked in the mirror, a crazy feeling came over me. Honestly, looking the mirror had the same feeling as looking at an old photo album. I have to admit that it felt good to see the girls alive again. However, I haven't wore it yet. Being new to the push-up game, I'm not even sure when it would be safe to wear it to. Not a church event. Not to work. Not to my momma's house. Not even on a date because well, it would kind of be lying. How can I expect the guy to tell the truth about his income and number of children when I'm fudging my physical resume? But I will find a place for 30's suggestion. After all, I don't want to keep looking down and thinking that maybe it is a small and low world after all.
3. Married men. I mean 'separated' men. No, I mean married men are coming out of the wood work. One of my friends started getting asked out and hit on by men 25 and under after she turned 30 (and it's still happening to her). I, however, am getting the married/separated/married crowd. I think they look at me and think they can get it right with me. I can redeem them. I can validate they are good men and their ex's were really just crazy. But I have news. By them just hitting on me with marriage still as their status on government forms and even insurance papers, you're not good men. Not to me. If I'm coming to the table with no strings or rings, you need to do the same. I'll amen myself. Amen.
   
4. Thanks to a woman named Roberta in my Sunday School, last year I lived by the mantra that you have to teach people how to treat you. That sentence really opened my eyes. Unfortunately, I'm still giving lessons to some of the people in my life and also to myself. Over the past few weeks, I've been evaluating my relationship patterns. Mostly with men, but I'm starting to explore family relationships as well. But focusing on the men, there is a step of singleness I neglected to do. About three-four years ago, I made a list of all the qualities I want in a mate. It was a good, honest, not superficial in the least list. However, I didn't make the corresponding list, which is writing down what my ideal relationship looks like. Of course, I had and have ideas about that. But I never put to paper what I truly wanted in the day to day of the relationship. Well, thankful 30 and I have this year (hopefully not the whole), but we have time to work on that part. It was easy to say "I want ____ in a man", but how do I want that man to treat me and how do I want to treat him? What are the roles? What are the rules? Although celibate, what are our 'safe words' going to be? How often or are we going to have family get togethers? Seems small, but really these are things I didn't question.
   

Those are the major things I blame 30 for right now. The best part about being 30 is that I couldn't wait to turn 30. I wasn't a big fan of my 20s. Late 20s and I were sort of homies, but really I knew 30 and I were meant to be. I hope you are enjoying your age whatever it is and like me, laughing and learning from it! God bless!