Hello, It's Me. I've Thought About Us for a Long, Long Time

Hello readers. I'm sorry about my lack of words and inspiration. God blessed me with this blog and not using it can be worse than using it wrong. I thought I should let you know where I am.

As much as I didn't want to be one of those 'Oh my God I'm turning 30 this year' people, I have sadly turned into one of those people. It seems that when this year started I felt this sense of urgency to reevaluate and ultimately change everything about my life. From my education status to my eating habits, I wanted to be this different person. Only one problem - I didn't (and still haven't) consulted God on any of this. God should be the first person I turn to when the world doesn't seem right and when I think change needs to occur. That's not to say I haven't prayed about stuff, but I don't truly think I've been myself in the position to hear from God. I have so many days where I think I've heard from God, but don't know for sure. I want to know for sure.

I told a friend last week that this year has been like an unofficial case study for me in hearing from God. The one thing that Christian will tell you will help you stay in his presence is reading his word. I mentioned in a previous post that I want to read through the bible again this year. Well, that's not going so good. In fact, in my One Year Bible I'm on January 20th - I know right! Thankfully, in May my church is having a class based on the book, Reading through the Bible in 90 Days at a time when I will be able to participate. Hopefully, that will help me with that goal. But it is not about the goal - it's about the lack of relationship and feeling comfortable in my own skin. I felt towards the end of last year that I was blowing off and letting go of the wrong people and sadly holding on to the worst people I could have in my life. It's time to cut some string and hold on to some for dear life. I'll pray to God on how to handle the cutting when it comes. One book I read two months ago that was really good is It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken. It's by the same guy who wrote He's Just Not that Into You. I thought the book would be this humor way to break up with people, but it is really informative and has some good times that I think can apply to any break-up. It is also good for helping you get back to the person you were before only stronger and a little wiser.

I feel like I'm just talking at this point, which is one of the reasons I haven't been blogging. All of my thoughts have been streaming together lately and don't make much sense not even to me. But I think about Christian Cleavage and the wonderful people that I have read it almost everyday. I didn't mean to not write for as long as I have. I realize what a responsibility this is. I don't want to just write to write and I don't want to lead anyone down a wrong path, especially since I'm not perfect and need to start going back to my own words to help me through times. I'm praying God gets me out of my comfort zone of laziness and also that I figure out what I want to be when I grow up. God's blessed me with so many talents and abilities and over the past few years, I've spent some time with most of them but no finished product from any of them. I prayed a lot that this blog wouldn't be another unfinished project. Please pray with me, readers. I love what this blog has meant to others and what it's meant to me. I wasn't scared when I started it, but I'm scared now because I have to keep it going. I've had no 'I thought it was just me Wednesday' because I haven't been reading God's word and had nothing to agree with.

I just wanted to post this message to tell you that I will be back. I just need to decide on what to focus on in my life and also work on issues that I've had for a long time that I do know God is calling me to deal with. Please keep checking coming to this blog and don't give up on me. Love ya and have a blessed week.